To My Future Demon Spawn

To my unborn demon spawn,

I call you this because I can only assume that the years of "I hope your child turns out just like you" curses will come true and you'll be just as difficult as I am from day one. Your life hasn't begun yet but you should know that I love you already. You are the one consistent thing I've known I've wanted for my entire life. I have always wanted to be a mother, and you little baby will make me that. I can't wait for the day that I see that positive sign on the test, when I feel your first kick, for the first time I hold you. I can't wait to hold you for the first time and count your little fingers and toes. I look forward to watching you learn and explore the world around you. To see your first steps, hear your first words, read you bedtime stories. These are all things that I want more than anything in the world. I want to walk you to your first day of school, comfort you through your first heartbreak, beam with pride when you're walking across the stage at your graduation, cry with happiness at your wedding. I wish for these things with all of my heart and dear future baby, words can not describe the joy I'll feel when all my deepest wishes come true. And sweet little boy or girl, these wishes all start with you.

No Letter For You.

I was going to write the letter to my husband today, but with all of the drama that has surrounded my marriage the past year I've opted to skip this one. The only person I want to read my letter to my husband is my husband. We've had some good times and some awful times and right now when we're trying to figure us out again I'd rather not put our business out there, and I don't want to write some phony love letter that isn't 100% real, which we all know I prefer to be. We're not on the verge of a divorce or anything, so no need to worry my four regular readers, but it's still something at this point in our healing relationship that I would prefer to keep private.

Instead, enjoy these pictures of us.

In other news if you're viewing this from a computer you may have noticed that I once again got bored and redid the design of my blog. Awesome right? Although on my computer part of the right screen jumps up and down, which is kind of weird. Not sure if it does that on anyone else's computer or if mine is just a junkie and I don't know it. ALSO in WLS news, I called the surgeons office a few days ago to check in and make sure everything was still going well with my surgery and I was told everything is still on track and that I should call back about two weeks before I get back to Alaska to start getting appointments set up, she said that if everything goes according to plan I should have a surgery date in July! Scary and super exciting! I can't wait.

Tune in tomorrow for your regularly scheduled letter, I promise to stick to the prompts from here on out.  

OH! AND IT'S THAT DAY OF YEAR AGAIN!

The Hit Has Been Completed

Yesterday was supposed to be the letter to my husband, and then today was supposed to be. But I just had four teeth yanked out of my head so I'm not about that life tonight. I give this experience a 0/10 do not reccomend. I went in and got the laughing gas and that felt awesome. I could never work in a dentist office because I'd be sniffing on that shit all day. Anywho I got the laughing gas for a bit and then the dentist came in and shot my mouth up with the numbing meds. Needle being shoved into the roof or your mouth and gums hurts like a bitch, even when you're high. The first two teeth came out with no issues and he had to cut the bottom teeth out. I had to have him stop because I started panicking at one time. My heart was racing a million miles an hour and I'm pretty sure the dental assistant spent more time wiping my tears than suctioning my mouth. It wasn't pretty. When I had him stop he told me I needed to stop panicking because if he dropped the tooth while I was breathing or making noises out of my mouth I could choke on my tooth. I told him that didn't fucking help me not panic, he told me before he could start again he needed to see me smile to which I responded that that wasn't going to fucking happen. The crunching sound was awful and my jaw hurt from the pressure he was putting on it to rip the one super stubborn one out of my mouth. Now it's nine hours later and my lip and tongue are still numb, I managed to finally eat something and take some of my pain pills. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow without the numbing crap. I have to go back the day before I leave for California to get the stitches that had to be put in stubborn tooth out, so that's going to be fun.

I also got my contacts yesterday! I wore them for a little bit and then my right eye started bothering me a lot so I took them out. I didn't wear them today because mouth surgery and no thanks. I go back next week after my stitches come out to confirm they're okay and get my actual prescription.

And now I promised I'd ask for the xray and it's not pretty. She asked if it was for my husband to see and I said yes because I wasn't about to admit it was for my blog haha. You'll be able to see the horizontalish wisdom tooth and the adult tooth that gave up on life when the baby one refused to come out. Also the six teeth competing for the front row seat in my mouth.