#OnceYouGoBlack

I know it's been a while since I last posted, Melissa has made sure to bitch about it loudly multiple times. I've been back in Iowa for about three weeks now and I have to tell you, I'm much happier than I have been in quite some time. I've been hanging out and catching up with two of my four best friends and it has been amazing. I missed them a lot and the weird little things we used to do. I went with Little B to her farm and on the way back we listened to all the music we used to jam out to when we first started hanging out, it was quite the flashback to the 2000's. And hanging out with Eric again led to my favorite game of connect the freckles... he told me I wasn't done when I had no more freckles to connect so I doodled instead. He's 6'7 so he's got a huge back haha.

In the past three weeks I managed to be "gifted" a car. He's an explorer and I named him Diego. I also got hired at a place working with high risk kids and it's overnight so that's pretty awesome because I am a night owl. Little B and I are going to be moving in together when a two bedroom opens up in her complex in April, and other than that it's just been a lot of running around and hanging out with my friends. Christmas was the first in five years with my family and it was great. I got cash and socks and protein bars and I was very excited about all of these. With my cash I bought a pair of sweat pants, a hoodie, and some vinyl and I did this thing with my stepmom's cameo.

I'm down to 260 now which puts my loss at 44 lbs in two months which is pretty freaking exciting if you ask me. I have not been working out or really eating how I should be the past week or so cause holiday's but I'm working on getting back on track. My siblings got the new Just Dance game for Christmas so I think I'm going to start doing that once the living room is cleared of all the Christmas crap. I haven't measured or really taken a comparison picture in a week but this is the last one I did.

I'm too lazy to take my measurements right now and kinda just wanted to get this post out of the way so Melissa will stop with the spongebob memes on my Facebook, but I'll be back at some point with a post that focuses more on the surgery and includes the stuff I'm not posting about now. Until then, he's a selfie I took that I look tiny in compared to my normal crap. I need to get myself some black hair dye and fix my hair cause I darkened the picture a bit and forgot how awesome I look with black. #YouKnowWhatTheySay

I Have Very Little To Post About.

Since the last time I posted I have finished all ten seasons of Friends, two seasons of Jericho, and read a book and a half. I know, you're all jealous of how fancy and thrilling my life is. I don't know how I survive with all the excitement.

Want to know what is exciting? I'm back in Iowa in FOUR DAYS. HELL YEAH. I have almost everything packed, I just need to go around the house and pack up the random shit I've acquired over the years that I don't want to get rid of. Other than that all I need to do is give my beautiful Tempest girl to the family that is going to keep her and get on my plane. It's pretty exciting. The dude from womp womp womp is still picking me up from the airport because regardless of all the bullshit he put me through he's still one of my best friends and I miss his face. Once I get to Iowa... I have no idea what I'm going to do honestly. My old job doesn't seem to be hiring and I really don't want to work retail again so we'll see what happens.

This is too short of a post so have a selfie I took today.

And now for those of you following along with the whole surgery thing.

Eating and drinking are hard. I'm pretty much always tired and I know I'm not getting in nearly enough of anything. I have to start pushing myself to get what I'm supposed to in daily because I'm only making my goal every couple of days. It's been difficult, but I am SO happy with my results so far and I can not wait to see what happens when I start adding working out too. I'm starting to introduce real food again and I think I'm almost at the point where other than breads, pastas, salad, and citrus that I can start eating regular meals with people again here soon. Mind you my new normal is like four to six bites, but still! I'm excited for my first meal with my family, my stepmom is good at food, and while I'm NOT good at eating anymore I'll enjoy the hell out of those four bites. Nom. 

So that's really it for now, once again thank Melissa. I promised her I'd post before I moved back to Iowa so I'm doing that thing now. You're welcome my dear. Now leave me alone for a week or two haha. 

If You Wanna Be My Lover, You Better Stay The Hell Away From My Friends.

With everything going on and changing in my life I have made the decision to actively avoid a relationship for a year. My goal is to stay single and focus on work and working out. My life will be about getting out of debt, getting into shape, and building a loving relationship with myself. The last two men I've been interested in (near miss man and the husband) have had a huge share of issues that they need to work out on their own. Both of them have also shown me how I do and don't want to be treated in a relationship, and things that are and aren't worth fighting for. Because of this I've come up with a small list that whoever I date next must meet to be able to move forward in the whole dating thing. They're all pretty serious to me which means I'll be single for the rest of my days. Ready? These are in no particular order.

1) Must be okay with the fact that at some point in my life I fully intend on having a pet pig.
2) Must have hobbies other than video games.
3) Must not have addiction issues.
4) Must be willing to build a blanket fort with me to hide in after a really bad day.
5) Must not be crazy. I'm crazy enough for this relationship thank you
6) Must love themselves. I have enough saving myself to do, I don't need to be responsible for saving someone else too.
7) Must not come with baby momma drama. I'm fine with having kids, but if they can't have a working joint parenting relationship I don't need to get involved.
8) Must be okay with the fact that I sometimes feel the need to sing Disney songs on the top of my lungs and bonus points if they join in.
9) Must be capable of cleaning up after themselves.
10) MUST want a partner, not a parent.
11) Must want an active sex life with just me.
12) Must be okay with me dragging them to every new Disney/Pixar movie to come out.
13) Must want children at some point.
14) Must make me smile.
15) Must treat me as well as I treat them.
16) Must want to spend time with me, as well as time on their own with their friends.
17) Must be responsible with their money.
18) Must be a fully functioning adult.
19) Must build me up instead of tear me down.
20) Must get my mom and best friends approvals.


There's a lot more of them, but these are my official musts. Bonus would be ginger, tall, and tattoo'd but I'm willing to let that one go for the right dude. Maybe someday I'll find someone that meets my criteria, but until then I'm 25 years old and have a lot of shit to accomplish on my own and I can't allow anyone to bring me down with them.