Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

I went to a baseball game the other day. Do you know what my favorite part about baseball is? The pants. Mmm baseball butt is sexy butt. My brother got to go down and meet the team, and I was super jealous. I'd like to meet a few members off that team if you know what I mean. ;)

Anywho, it was actually a really fun game. The announcer was crap and only did his job one out of every 20 plays, and whoever was in charge of the sound board was a mix between a drunk monkey and a two year old, because they played weird songs at weird times and it just wasn't conductive to the baseball experience at all.

My grandma came with us and I realized that she's basically just a three year old. Let me explain. She says she's hungry so I go and get her a hotdog with relish on it. She goes to bite into it and immediately spills the relish on her shirt, and wipes it off. (Read wipes it in) She then says that she would like some nachos around the fifth inning, so I go to buy her those and she immediatly drops a chip covered in cheese on her shirt, and repeats the process. Later I leave to go smoke a cigarette and on my way back I see someone walk by with a soft serve ice cream cone, which I have been craving for quite some time. I go buy one, for six freaking dollars guys, baseball games are highway robbery but I digress. I come back to my seat eating it and get "Oooohhhhhh...." as she just stares at it. I hand it over to her so she can eat it, and I'm sure you can guess what happened. Right away spills some on herself. She gave it back and I finished what I wanted and then gave her the rest because I could see her staring at it out of the corner of my eye. "You can finish this, I don't want it anymore." I tell her. Her response is "OOOOOHHHH REALLY?! YOU'RE SURE? I CAN HAVE IT ALL?!" I freaking love that woman so much.

Later I'm sitting there and I'm kinda spacing out a bit. I hear people shouting and I look up and there's a foul ball coming directly at me. I mean directly the fuck at me. I didn't bring a glove, I was not prepared for this to happen. It hit right next to my foot and bounced two chairs over. My dad yelled at me to grab it so I snatched it off the ground, almost out of a little kids hand. I beat him there by a nanosecond. I felt awful and if it wasn't my little sisters birthday I would have given it to him, but instead I gave it to her. She got it signed after the game and snuggled it all the way home. She's weird.

That's all I have to write. I think we've established I suck at ending these things by now, sooooo have a completely unrelated funny picture.