Thursday, April 30, 2015

No Letter For You.

I was going to write the letter to my husband today, but with all of the drama that has surrounded my marriage the past year I've opted to skip this one. The only person I want to read my letter to my husband is my husband. We've had some good times and some awful times and right now when we're trying to figure us out again I'd rather not put our business out there, and I don't want to write some phony love letter that isn't 100% real, which we all know I prefer to be. We're not on the verge of a divorce or anything, so no need to worry my four regular readers, but it's still something at this point in our healing relationship that I would prefer to keep private.

Instead, enjoy these pictures of us.

In other news if you're viewing this from a computer you may have noticed that I once again got bored and redid the design of my blog. Awesome right? Although on my computer part of the right screen jumps up and down, which is kind of weird. Not sure if it does that on anyone else's computer or if mine is just a junkie and I don't know it. ALSO in WLS news, I called the surgeons office a few days ago to check in and make sure everything was still going well with my surgery and I was told everything is still on track and that I should call back about two weeks before I get back to Alaska to start getting appointments set up, she said that if everything goes according to plan I should have a surgery date in July! Scary and super exciting! I can't wait.

Tune in tomorrow for your regularly scheduled letter, I promise to stick to the prompts from here on out.  


Wednesday, April 29, 2015

The Hit Has Been Completed

Yesterday was supposed to be the letter to my husband, and then today was supposed to be. But I just had four teeth yanked out of my head so I'm not about that life tonight. I give this experience a 0/10 do not reccomend. I went in and got the laughing gas and that felt awesome. I could never work in a dentist office because I'd be sniffing on that shit all day. Anywho I got the laughing gas for a bit and then the dentist came in and shot my mouth up with the numbing meds. Needle being shoved into the roof or your mouth and gums hurts like a bitch, even when you're high. The first two teeth came out with no issues and he had to cut the bottom teeth out. I had to have him stop because I started panicking at one time. My heart was racing a million miles an hour and I'm pretty sure the dental assistant spent more time wiping my tears than suctioning my mouth. It wasn't pretty. When I had him stop he told me I needed to stop panicking because if he dropped the tooth while I was breathing or making noises out of my mouth I could choke on my tooth. I told him that didn't fucking help me not panic, he told me before he could start again he needed to see me smile to which I responded that that wasn't going to fucking happen. The crunching sound was awful and my jaw hurt from the pressure he was putting on it to rip the one super stubborn one out of my mouth. Now it's nine hours later and my lip and tongue are still numb, I managed to finally eat something and take some of my pain pills. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow without the numbing crap. I have to go back the day before I leave for California to get the stitches that had to be put in stubborn tooth out, so that's going to be fun.

I also got my contacts yesterday! I wore them for a little bit and then my right eye started bothering me a lot so I took them out. I didn't wear them today because mouth surgery and no thanks. I go back next week after my stitches come out to confirm they're okay and get my actual prescription.

And now I promised I'd ask for the xray and it's not pretty. She asked if it was for my husband to see and I said yes because I wasn't about to admit it was for my blog haha. You'll be able to see the horizontalish wisdom tooth and the adult tooth that gave up on life when the baby one refused to come out. Also the six teeth competing for the front row seat in my mouth.

Monday, April 27, 2015

Dear Parents

Today is the first day of my 30 days 30 letters challenge and it's letters to your parents. I'm lucky enough to have four of them, so today there will be four letters for the price of one, and off we go.

Dear Mom,

You are my rock, my confidant, and one of my best friends. I know that whether I have good news, bad news, need advice, or just someone to listen to me vent that I can call you up and you'll listen. You have been there for me through every major event in my life even if I didn't necessarily want you there. You've protected me the best you can but always let me make my own mistakes. You let me suffer heartbreak while being there to help me pick up the pieces. You've supported me becoming my own person and have played a huge role in me discovering the woman that I am today. I can't thank you enough for all of the support you've given me. I love you with all of my heart.

Dear Dad,

I can always count on you to be there for me when I need you. You may suck at staying in contact but I know that I can call you anytime and you'll answer even if you're on the job. You took me in when I needed you even though I know it put a strain on you. You're able to make me laugh when I feel like crying, and joking around with you is one of my favorite parts of our relationship. I love you!

 Dear Kim,

When I first met you I wasn't exactly you're biggest fan and I didn't even attempt to hide it. Over the years my opinion of you has changed and I love you a whole lot more now that I'm an adult. You're extremely easy to talk to and you always give me rational advice. You're fun to be around and I love that I know you're always there for me. You've been a huge support over the past few years and I appreciate everything you've done for me. I love you.

Dear Dad,

I've realized I don't have a single picture of just the two of us. You're getting stuck with us taking a selfie when I get there. I just wanted to thank you for everything you've ever done for our family. There were times where I genuinely couldn't stand you but as an adult I can see why you did everything you've done. You've always been a huge support to our family, and I'm thankful every day for you coming into our lives. You came into and changed our lives for the better. You've treated us as your own when you didn't have to and I can't put into words how much that means to me. I still remember the first time that I called you Dad, you were clearly surprised but you didn't miss a beat at accepting it. I want you to know that I love you and am beyond thankful that I'm able to call you my dad.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

30 Days 30 Letters Challenge

I saw this challenge floating around a couple of years ago and decided that I wanted to do it again. I then looked up the challenge and realized I didn't like half of the prompts there were so I redid it with a lot of my own suggestions instead. I thought to myself self, you should make a pretty picture to go along with it as the prompt. So off to work I went on the picture. I regret it immensely. This stupid picture took me four plus hours of fighting with my computer, multiple crashes, and more curse words than I knew that I knew came pouring out of my mouth. I managed to get it PERFECT and then something happened and the entire fucking picture disappeared. At that point I just shut my computer down and went to bed I was so angry. I finally ended up downloading a new program today and was able to create it on that. It didn't turn out as well as it did the first time, but this is as good as you're going to get because I'm way to salty to continue trying. Here's the picture, feel free to steal the idea if you'd like. If you do make sure to let me know so I can follow along with you! I'll be starting this tomorrow.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Shank Tooth and His Buddies Are Getting Capped, And Also I May Be Dying.

1. I'm not sure why Shank tooth is a dude, but he is, and he's a dick.
2. By capped I mean killed, not caps which is apparently a thing in dentistry?

I got a hold of a dentist on Tuesday that was able to get me in Wednesday. Now, I am twenty five years old and have been to the dentist exactly four times including this visit. Twice when I was eight, once four years ago, and then Wednesday. Obviously I knew my teeth were jacked, and I would have continued to hide that fact if it wasn't for shank tooth. Shank tooth and his dickish ways just caused too much of a commotion to put off any longer. The dental assistant was really sweet and I liked her, she had me take out all of my piercings, I shrank down to her height so she could get the x ray armor around me (which made me feel like I was a badass about to go on a serious raid against shank tooth) and then she took pictures of my teeth.

When we got back into the room she put the xrays up and hot damn, my teeth are REALLY screwed up. I'm curious if I can get a copy of my x ray, I'll ask next time I go in to show ya'll just how screwed my mouth really is. The dentist comes in a few minutes later and looks at the xray and immediately tells me I should make an appointment with the orthodontist. My teeth all want the prime position of right in front so I have a lot of crowding going on. He told me I should get braces, and he also pointed out that I still have a baby tooth and that it needs to come out and for the orthodontist to try to get my adult tooth that has given up on life above it to come down.

A) There is absolutely no way I can afford to go see an Orthodontist, are you kidding me? They're expensive and my dental doesn't cover that.
B) My baby tooth has held on for twenty five years, that puppy is staying right where it is THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

He then laid me back and started gagging me with tools. "Hot damn you've got cavities" he says. I may be paraphrasing a bit here. I need to get them filled, I need a cleaning, blah blah yeah I know. My teeth suck, got it but I'm here for shank tooth damn it stay focused. He looks at the tooth, looks at the x ray, and proceeds to tell me I have a tiny mouth, ginormo wisdom teeth, and all four of them need to come out because there isn't room for them in my mouth. He writes me a prescription for antibiotics and vicodin and leaves. The dental hygienist sets me up with the scheduler and tells me she's timed him and to take four teeth out it takes him less than two minutes. I tell her I do not want to be sober. I don't care if I'm numb and can't feel it, I'll be able to hear the cracking and I'd like to be high for that please.

I go up to the lady to schedule it and she gives me an estimate of how much it's going to cost out of pocket. Seven hundred freaking dollars, to do what I did with every other tooth for free. AND the tooth fairy isn't even gonna come through and give me some money for it either, that's some bull.

Buuuut long story not so short I've put out a hit on tooth shank and his buddies, and I'm going to be super high when it goes down. I am not looking forward to this at all.

Also, I think I may be dying. Neither of my dogs enjoy cuddling with me, which pretty much breaks my heart because I love doggy cuddles. Today they have both been extremely needy and cuddly to the point of annoyance. Today both of them (at different times) crawled onto the couch and cuddled/napped on me for at least thirty minutes a piece. I know dogs can like sniff out cancer or sense when things are going wrong, so the only thing I can think of to cause both of these crazies to chill out and love me is that I'll be dead soon. Super comforting.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Eyes, Mouth, Vagina?

That's not exactly how that body parts song goes is it? Close enough. My body is falling apart on me. Kind of. Well, parts of it are. We'll start with a few days ago and have you just try to follow along. You know how it goes here. Last Thursday I get a call from an Unknown number. Typically it's the appointment line so I answer not expecting a real person.

Me: "Yup?"
PV2: "Is this Mrs Stockman?"
Me: "Oh. Hi. Yes."
PV2: "Hello Mrs Stockman how are you doing today?"
Me: "Uhm... I'm good? Who is this?"
PV2: "Sorry this is PV2 Dontrememberhisname and uhm... well... I'm calling with Bassett Army Hospital because uhm... it appears that you're uh... due for a pap smear?"
Me: "Oh. Okay."
PV2: "So I uh... can get that scheduled for you if you'd like... or uh... you can opt out and we won't call you for a year."
Me: "Might as well get the girl looked at, go ahead and schedule me."
PV2: "Okay ma'am. Uhh... looks like we have Monday open."
Me: "Works for me."
PV2: "Ok... so I've got your uhhh.... pap smear.... scheduled for Monday at 1420."
Me: "Sounds good, I'll bring my vagina and be there."
PV2: "Uhhh... okay...."

So I get through the conversation that was obviously super painful for the poor little dude and know that I've got shit set up to get my vaginal area all checked out. No biggie. I put it on the back burner and go about my weekend. Saturday we went over to a BBQ at a new friends house and we decided we were going to play Cards Against Humanity. Husband is being a debbie downer anti social pants so I offer to take him home and go back to the party. At this point I realize that my cheek is starting to hurt a bit and stick my finger back towards my wisdom tooth and it's suddenly sharp and pointy. It sucks, but no big deal I'm a big girl I'll live. So I drop the husband off, go back to the party and decide that I want to drink. I text the husband and let him know that I'll be spending the night there and start with the celebrations. I took a shot of rum and my cheek started burning like a mofo. Why? Alcohol on what is essentially now cheese graded cheek is not a good idea. But I put them big girl panties on and drink right through it. Pretty soon I'm kicking some beer pong butt and all thoughts of ouch mouth are behind me. Party starts winding down and I take up residence on the couch when my cheek starts hurting again. I take my finger, stick it up against my tooth and lightly push to see how sharp my tooth actually is at this point and hear CRUNCH. I pull my hand out of my mouth, look down at my fingers and...

Tooth. That is part of my tooth that DISINTEGRATED IN MY HAND. So now I have this gaping hole in the side of my wisdom tooth. Plus side, root isn't showing. Down side, THERE IS A HOLE IN IT. Food keeps getting stuck and I basically have my own personal little tooth shank going on right now. Currently it's just attacking me but if anyone puts their finger in the right side of my mouth I WILL FUCK THEM UP. Anyways, this happened on a Sunday eaaaaarly morning so I decided to give those big girl panties a run for their money and just keep on keeping on. I called one of the dentist offices in town and the soonest they could get me in for a evaluation is the 30th, so I'm going to be calling around to more tomorrow to find one that can get this fixed before I go out to California.

Circling back to the vagina now, as I was on my way to check into my appointment I decided to stop by the optometry clinic, and I now have an appointment for the 28th to get contacts. Woot and yes. So I check in to the appointment, fill out my papers, and am called back by an adorable soldier who starts a witch hunt on my lady parts. Have you ever had an STD? No. When was your last pap smear? Three and a half years ago. Any uncomfortable itching or burning? No. Discharge? No. Have you had a child? No. Have you ever been pregnant? No. Really? I think I'd remember that so the answer is still gonna be no. Are you sexually active? Yes. With anyone other than your husband? No. Question after question after question. He told me he was impressed that I came in because "most women tend to put it off as long as they can." I told him I've been getting regular pap smears since I became sexually active, that my momma always taught me I have one va jay jay and I better treat it right. We laughed, he left the room to get the doctor.

Fifteen minutes later the doctor comes in with the female chaperon to make sure she doesn't violate me any more than sticking a duck bill torture device up a cooter will do. Doctor is a tiny, tiny little woman. Feet go in the stirrups, butt gets puled down to the edge of the table, and the kitty goes on full display. Before I know it I'm being stretched and scraped and prodded and I hate it. The doctor is so tiny she fully disappears under the sheet to the point where if someone would have walked in I doubt they'd see her. She went and scraped and prodded some more and I'm not entirely convinced she didn't actually crawl into my vacooter at one point. She was small enough, she probably would have fit. She finishes, tells me I can get dressed and let myself out when I'm done. Nurse politely points to the baby wipes so I can clean myself up, and I'm told if anything ends up wrong I'll get a phone call in a couple of days. I leave the office not quiet being able to shake the feeling that I am the worst hooker ever. Let a stranger all up in me, didn't get anything out of it, and I'll only hear from them again if I've got something. Tons of fun.

And now in lieu of a conclusion paragraph that makes any sort of sense. Here are three pictures from tumblr that speak to my heart.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Cover Me Darin'

Facebook cover pictures. Let us take a second to discuss them. I absolutely despise using personal pictures for them, they're never the right size, they turn out blurry, something or someone always ends up cropped out in a strange way or cut out completely. I like things to be pretty and line up right, especially when it's the only thing other than my profile that people who aren't on my minuscule friends list can see. I keep that shit locked down like Fort Knox and I like to keep that baby under 100 if I can help it. Let's be honest I don't have that many friends and most of the people on it are just there so I can shamelessly creep on their lives. If I've sent you a friend request, deleted you, and then sent you another one it's because I'm curious about what you've been up to since you last annoyed me into deleting you. Anyways, back on topic. My cover photo is the only thing that people can see to get a sense of who I am before I more than likely reject their friend request so I like to make it count. A few years ago I decided I wouldn't be using my personal pictures anymore and decided to go on a hunt of the interwebs for the perfect cover picture, because I'm lame and this is important business. I quickly realized people suck at making them. I couldn't find any that had everything I wanted on them. I didn't like the quote, or the font, or the picture that was used. They were pixilated, blurry, or distorted. Everywhere I looked it was like the crappy MySpace backgrounds all over again. I learned enough HTML to create my own backgrounds during the MySpace days because I couldn't stand the way to premades looked, so obviously I did what any semi creative internet addict would do and I created my own cover picture.


This was the very first cover picture I ever created by myself. I chose a cute little fish and copy and pasted until they were all pretty and even. I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing, but I had liked how it turned out and I used one of my favorite quotes. It had everything I wanted, the quote, the font, the background, and they all fit correctly. I've gotten a bit more creative and a whole lot better since then so I decided to share them with you today. Links to the correct size (851x315) are under each picture seeing as I had to shrink them to not screw with the pretty of my blog and are created specifically to not have any of the words interfere with your profile picture, name, or the add/message buttons. Minus the Doctor Who quote with the TARDIS, because I finally got frustrated and figured people would get the picture, I worked on that one forever. But here are my much better works, because sometimes I like to show off a bit. 







And Here

Feel free to leave feedback if you'd like. 
I always like to hear compliments. 
If they suck I'd like to know that too so go ahead and tell me.
 I promise not to cry.
Too much.

Sunday, April 12, 2015


I somehow managed to accidentally delete my last post, so here is the run down of what I've been up to the past two months.

My computer charger was ripped from the computer and killed, yesterdays Husband's friend gave me one of his old ones and yaaaay, it works.

The brakes, rotors, and a caliper in my car all broke at the exact same time. I woke up to my husband saying "Hey bad news, the brakes are out." Fast forward three weeks to it finally being fixed, three days later I wake up to a phone call from my husband, "Hey.... sooooo... I went to stop at the red light and the tire didn't... it's in a ditch across the street." It's been fixed as well now. This month has been full of issues.

I've participated in a bunch of Netflix marathons, freaked out about the finale of The Walking Dead, and I've slept a lot. Winter has been a stage five clinger, letting the snow mostly melt then covering everything once again. That's okay though, because I only have twenty four days until I'm back in California for a glorious six weeks. While I'm out there the bestbian is going to come visit which I'm stoked about. We're going to the drag club Lips and it's going to be hilariously amazing.

Chances are this is going to be the last post until I'm in California and actually have things going on again. My life is absolutely boring right now, and not worth posting about until I'm really able to start the surgery process, so I'll see you guys in a month.