Thursday, April 23, 2015

Shank Tooth and His Buddies Are Getting Capped, And Also I May Be Dying.

1. I'm not sure why Shank tooth is a dude, but he is, and he's a dick.
2. By capped I mean killed, not caps which is apparently a thing in dentistry?

I got a hold of a dentist on Tuesday that was able to get me in Wednesday. Now, I am twenty five years old and have been to the dentist exactly four times including this visit. Twice when I was eight, once four years ago, and then Wednesday. Obviously I knew my teeth were jacked, and I would have continued to hide that fact if it wasn't for shank tooth. Shank tooth and his dickish ways just caused too much of a commotion to put off any longer. The dental assistant was really sweet and I liked her, she had me take out all of my piercings, I shrank down to her height so she could get the x ray armor around me (which made me feel like I was a badass about to go on a serious raid against shank tooth) and then she took pictures of my teeth.

When we got back into the room she put the xrays up and hot damn, my teeth are REALLY screwed up. I'm curious if I can get a copy of my x ray, I'll ask next time I go in to show ya'll just how screwed my mouth really is. The dentist comes in a few minutes later and looks at the xray and immediately tells me I should make an appointment with the orthodontist. My teeth all want the prime position of right in front so I have a lot of crowding going on. He told me I should get braces, and he also pointed out that I still have a baby tooth and that it needs to come out and for the orthodontist to try to get my adult tooth that has given up on life above it to come down.

A) There is absolutely no way I can afford to go see an Orthodontist, are you kidding me? They're expensive and my dental doesn't cover that.
B) My baby tooth has held on for twenty five years, that puppy is staying right where it is THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

He then laid me back and started gagging me with tools. "Hot damn you've got cavities" he says. I may be paraphrasing a bit here. I need to get them filled, I need a cleaning, blah blah yeah I know. My teeth suck, got it but I'm here for shank tooth damn it stay focused. He looks at the tooth, looks at the x ray, and proceeds to tell me I have a tiny mouth, ginormo wisdom teeth, and all four of them need to come out because there isn't room for them in my mouth. He writes me a prescription for antibiotics and vicodin and leaves. The dental hygienist sets me up with the scheduler and tells me she's timed him and to take four teeth out it takes him less than two minutes. I tell her I do not want to be sober. I don't care if I'm numb and can't feel it, I'll be able to hear the cracking and I'd like to be high for that please.

I go up to the lady to schedule it and she gives me an estimate of how much it's going to cost out of pocket. Seven hundred freaking dollars, to do what I did with every other tooth for free. AND the tooth fairy isn't even gonna come through and give me some money for it either, that's some bull.

Buuuut long story not so short I've put out a hit on tooth shank and his buddies, and I'm going to be super high when it goes down. I am not looking forward to this at all.

Also, I think I may be dying. Neither of my dogs enjoy cuddling with me, which pretty much breaks my heart because I love doggy cuddles. Today they have both been extremely needy and cuddly to the point of annoyance. Today both of them (at different times) crawled onto the couch and cuddled/napped on me for at least thirty minutes a piece. I know dogs can like sniff out cancer or sense when things are going wrong, so the only thing I can think of to cause both of these crazies to chill out and love me is that I'll be dead soon. Super comforting.


  1. Jeeeeez. I had no idea how expensive dentists were in America! I love the NHS :-P You are so lucky you get to be high for your dental work though over there, in the UK we have local anaesthetic or a general, no other options, and you have to BEG for a general. I had 2 of my wisdom teeth out with local anaesthetic, and it wasn't too bad actually, I just felt like the dentist was trying to pull my head off it's neck. They also told me I had huge wisdom teeth, but then didn't let me keep them. Rude!

    Rachel x
    The Inelegant Wench

    1. He offered to give me Valium because the laughing gas isn't covered at all by insurance, but then saw that I was Bi-Polar and said it ran the risk of making me super hyper instead. I opted to just be high instead haha. I'm not excited at all about getting this done. I'm such a baby.


Stroke my ego baby!