Saturday, August 9, 2014

The Believer Cookie.

I've made no secret about the fact that I'm an Atheist. My entire family knows, and they're all religious in one way or another. I posted a bit of a conversation about the Believer Cookie recently, but I wanted to finish telling the story today. 

First, I had walked into my step aunts house to pick up my brother for football practice. 

Me: What's going on with that?
Kelly: Grilled turkey and cheese.
Me: No, not that. THAT.
Kelly: Those are cookies for VBS. 
Me: But I won't be there... can I have one?
Kelly: No. These are believer cookies. Just for people that believe in God. 
Me: But...
Kelly: Nope. Believer cookies. 
Me: Are they made with holy water?
Kevin: They've been blessed too.
Me: But...
Kelly: Do you believe in God Becca?
Me: No...
Kelly: Then no cookie for you.
Me: Wouldn't it be just as bad for me to say that I believed in God just for a cookie?
Kelly: Yup.
Me: ..... would it work?
Kelly: Nope.
Me: Damn it. 


I left without my cookie and was extremely sad, because it looked amazing. Later that night after I got back from my brothers practice my stepmom came home. She had to run to her sister's house and I asked her to bring me back a cookie. When she came home I was outside.

Me: Did you bring my cookie?!
Kim: Kelly wants to know if you believe yet. 
Me: I believe that cookie looks delicious. 

We went into the house and she handed me the cookie. It looked amazing. 



I took a picture, ate the crap out of the cookie, and posted it on Facebook with the following statement.

Me: Kim stole me a believer cookie. Much like Eve with the Apple, it tasted that much better because it was forbidden. The holy water burned my tongue a bit, but worth every bite. NOM.

She commented on it and said: I didn't steal it. it was a gift. Hopefully the Spirit is growing in your heart as we speak.

I responded with: IT WAS A TRAP ALL ALONG! And with one cookie her heart grew three sizes that day... wait... wrong book.

I also changed the wording on the picture to: Kim bestowed upon me the gift of a believer cookie. Much like Eve with the Apple, it tasted that much better because I knew it should be forbidden because I am not truly a believer. The holy water burned my tongue a bit, but worth every bite. NOM.


The very next morning I woke up and had started my period. I was cramping something fierce and found my step mom on the phone with her sister.

Me: My uterus feels like it's falling out. Do you have anything I can take?
Kim: Kelly said it's the believer cookie, the transformation is starting.

Me: I can't help but feel like Eve right now. Eat the forbidden cookie, bam. Period. If God's trying to get me onto team Christian, this is not the way to do it. 

I can't help but feel like if at any point in my life I do start believing in God, that Kelly is going to take the credit for it saying that the Believer Cookie has finally worked. 
 

Friday, August 8, 2014

Do WHO you want.

I have a profile on a site called meet me. It's a site that's supposed to be for making friends, but the longer that I stay on it the more obvious that it becomes that it's basically a site for people to bitch about being single and hope to get a hook-up. Why am I still there? It's interesting to me to see the dynamics play out, and frankly I find it a little entertaining.

A few days ago a post came up in the live feed from a boy (the way he spoke clearly showed that he wasn't a man) that said something along the lines of "I'm single, who wants to change that? Don't message me if you're a whore." I'm paraphrasing of course because his grammar and spelling was awful and that just makes me cringe. A woman had commented on his post about how he says he wants to be in a relationship and doesn't want whores, but then he messages women and tries to speak in a sexual manner to them. His post rubbed me the wrong way and when I clicked on his profile 98% of his posts were either him bitching about being single, or him calling women whores. I commented on his post and said something along the lines of "You seem to call any women who has an active sex life that isn't sleeping with you a whore. It seems a bit hypocritical." To which he responded that that's just because I was a whore and that he's "heard things about me." Mind you, on this website my name is not located anywhere on it. I purposely changed my screen name because I live in a very small town that would be extremely easy to find someone in. I told him there was no way that he'd heard anything about me and it was extremely possible the reason that he was still single is that he's constantly complaining about the fact that he's single (desperation is not sexy people) and that his words show a blatant disrespect for women. I then got offline and laid down to go to bed and the idea for a post about slut shaming popped into my head. I had planned on screen shotting his profile to show you all exactly how bad this dude was, but he changed it to private by the time he woke up.

So let's get on to the slut shaming portion of this then. We live in a day and age that sex sells. It sells beer, clothes, cars, music, movies, books. It's insinuated that if you eat this yogurt you'll look sexy and if you wear this cologne all of the women will want you. It surrounds us everywhere we look in the media and advertising world. It is completely socially acceptable to use a woman's body to convince people that you want certain things, but the minute that a woman starts dressing like those in the beer commercials and being confident about what she wants she's deemed a slut. Men assume she's easy and women make disrespectful and hurtful comments. They tear this person down.

To me, it doesn't matter how many people a person sleeps with, it doesn't make them a slut. If you have a healthy sexual appetite and are not in a relationship, by all means, sleep around if you want. I don't care if you've slept with 1 person or 1,000 people as long as you're happy, safe, and it's all consensual I'm not going to judge you. You have every right to sleep with whoever you want, (as long as they're not committed to somebody else) whenever you want, however you want. Have a threesome, have an orgy, have a one night stand, booty call, fuck buddy, sleep together on a first date. If it feels right and both parties are willing it is nobody else's business but yours. In a society where we market sex but condemn having it, you have to be confident and let the negative and hurtful comments roll off your back.

A HUGE issue that comes along with slut shaming is victim blaming. "Oh she initiated and said no, so I know she really wanted it, she was just being a tease." "She was wearing a mini skirt, she wanted it." "The way she walked let me know she wasn't really saying no." What. The. Fuck. Ever. NO means NO. I don't care if she's slept with the entire NFL the second that the word no comes out of someones mouth, your encounter is over. Don't push, don't guilt, don't assume she's joking. People assume that sluts can't be raped, "they're asking for it." and that makes me skin crawl. Exploring your sexuality is not asking for it, just because she's slept with 300 people does not mean she wanted to sleep with you.


We're going to hop to the other side of this spectrum for a second before I'm done ranting. I saw a preview a month or so ago for a show on MTV called "The Virgin Diaries". It's about these mystical unicorns of people who are adults and gasp still virgins. The fact that the media has so much influence on our sex lives to the point of making a show to illustrate how weird you are if you haven't had sex disgusts me. If you haven't had sex yet, you haven't had sex yet. That's the extent of it. It doesn't make you broken, or weird, or less than. Whether you're waiting for marriage or just haven't found someone that peaks your interest or just aren't ready yet that's a personal decision for you to make. Please don't let anyone talk you into doing something that you don't want to do.


It is not shameful to be a virgin. It is not shameful to sleep with a lot of men. It is not anyone's business but your own.