I have a profile on a site called meet me. It's a site that's supposed to be for making friends, but the longer that I stay on it the more obvious that it becomes that it's basically a site for people to bitch about being single and hope to get a hook-up. Why am I still there? It's interesting to me to see the dynamics play out, and frankly I find it a little entertaining.
A few days ago a post came up in the live feed from a boy (the way he spoke clearly showed that he wasn't a man) that said something along the lines of "I'm single, who wants to change that? Don't message me if you're a whore." I'm paraphrasing of course because his grammar and spelling was awful and that just makes me cringe. A woman had commented on his post about how he says he wants to be in a relationship and doesn't want whores, but then he messages women and tries to speak in a sexual manner to them. His post rubbed me the wrong way and when I clicked on his profile 98% of his posts were either him bitching about being single, or him calling women whores. I commented on his post and said something along the lines of "You seem to call any women who has an active sex life that isn't sleeping with you a whore. It seems a bit hypocritical." To which he responded that that's just because I was a whore and that he's "heard things about me." Mind you, on this website my name is not located anywhere on it. I purposely changed my screen name because I live in a very small town that would be extremely easy to find someone in. I told him there was no way that he'd heard anything about me and it was extremely possible the reason that he was still single is that he's constantly complaining about the fact that he's single (desperation is not sexy people) and that his words show a blatant disrespect for women. I then got offline and laid down to go to bed and the idea for a post about slut shaming popped into my head. I had planned on screen shotting his profile to show you all exactly how bad this dude was, but he changed it to private by the time he woke up.
So let's get on to the slut shaming portion of this then. We live in a day and age that sex sells. It sells beer, clothes, cars, music, movies, books. It's insinuated that if you eat this yogurt you'll look sexy and if you wear this cologne all of the women will want you. It surrounds us everywhere we look in the media and advertising world. It is completely socially acceptable to use a woman's body to convince people that you want certain things, but the minute that a woman starts dressing like those in the beer commercials and being confident about what she wants she's deemed a slut. Men assume she's easy and women make disrespectful and hurtful comments. They tear this person down.
To me, it doesn't matter how many people a person sleeps with, it doesn't make them a slut. If you have a healthy sexual appetite and are not in a relationship, by all means, sleep around if you want. I don't care if you've slept with 1 person or 1,000 people as long as you're happy, safe, and it's all consensual I'm not going to judge you. You have every right to sleep with whoever you want, (as long as they're not committed to somebody else) whenever you want, however you want. Have a threesome, have an orgy, have a one night stand, booty call, fuck buddy, sleep together on a first date. If it feels right and both parties are willing it is nobody else's business but yours. In a society where we market sex but condemn having it, you have to be confident and let the negative and hurtful comments roll off your back.
A HUGE issue that comes along with slut shaming is victim blaming. "Oh she initiated and said no, so I know she really wanted it, she was just being a tease." "She was wearing a mini skirt, she wanted it." "The way she walked let me know she wasn't really saying no." What. The. Fuck. Ever. NO means NO. I don't care if she's slept with the entire NFL the second that the word no comes out of someones mouth, your encounter is over. Don't push, don't guilt, don't assume she's joking. People assume that sluts can't be raped, "they're asking for it." and that makes me skin crawl. Exploring your sexuality is not asking for it, just because she's slept with 300 people does not mean she wanted to sleep with you.
We're going to hop to the other side of this spectrum for a second before I'm done ranting. I saw a preview a month or so ago for a show on MTV called "The Virgin Diaries". It's about these mystical unicorns of people who are adults and gasp still virgins. The fact that the media has so much influence on our sex lives to the point of making a show to illustrate how weird you are if you haven't had sex disgusts me. If you haven't had sex yet, you haven't had sex yet. That's the extent of it. It doesn't make you broken, or weird, or less than. Whether you're waiting for marriage or just haven't found someone that peaks your interest or just aren't ready yet that's a personal decision for you to make. Please don't let anyone talk you into doing something that you don't want to do.
It is not shameful to be a virgin. It is not shameful to sleep with a lot of men. It is not anyone's business but your own.