I don't want the D, I'll take the bear though.

A week or so ago my friend Eric invited me to a carnival he had to work. He works for the city so he was on cleanup duty. I walked around a bit while he worked and explored the fair by myself. I got a henna tattoo, ate a pickle, bought a toe ring that I wore for approximately three hours before it took off an entire layer of skin and left me bleeding. Good times, good times.

While I was wandering a carnie called me over to him. The conversation went as follows.

Carnie: Hey girl, come here a second.
Me: No thank you, I don't want to play.
Carnie: How are you going to play when I don't have the balloons blown up for you to pop. I just want to ask you a question about your tattoo.
Me: Okay what is it?
Carnie: What does it say?
Me: You are beautiful in Gaelic.
Carnie: Girl you don't need a reminder for that.
Me: Okay, thanks.
*starts to walk away*
Carnie: Hey, hey wait a minute. What are you doin tonight? You wanna come out with me when I get off? I'll give you one of these big stuffed animals for coming out with me.
Me: No thanks, I already have plans tonight.
Carnie: With who? Break them.
Me: A guy who works here, and no.
Carnie: Who is it?
Me: He doesn't work for the carnival, he works for the city.
Carnie: Oh, is he big?
Me: He's 6'6.
Carnie: Is he big. *holds hands out to simulate penis size*
Me: Yup.
Carnie: How about this, if I have a bigger schlong than him you come out with me instead.
Me: Nope. I'm good I'm walking away now.
Carnie: That's okay, I like watching you leave too, gives me a chance to see what you're working with.
Me: Okay then.
*starts to walk away*
Carnie: I LIKE WHAT YOU'RE WORKING WITH. SHAKE THAT ASS GIRL.

*le sigh*

I don't want your dick, but I totally would have taken the stuffed animal.