My Virtual Life Is Better Than My Real One, And Other Rambles

I have spent approximately 80% of my awake time playing the Sims 3. My life in this game is fantastic. I'm an expert and painting, athletics, charisma, and piano. My job? A movie star. I have a degree in the Fine Arts. My husband? A sexy forensic scientist that has tattoos, is a genius, and has a degree in Technology. We also have three kids, all of which have imaginary friends. Did I forget to mention we're also millionaires? Yeah. My virtual life is awesome. I need new hobbies, because I'm legit jealous of my computer character.

In the other ramblings:

Mom: I sent you some presents so you have something to open on Christmas morning. Put them under your tree.
Me: We don't have a tree, but we'll get like a pine scented air freshener and pin it to the wall.

We went a step up and got a real tree!

Well, kind of. It's not a real tree, but it's not an air freshener. So yay!

You see, we got a puppy a while ago and have a cat, so getting a real tree is just not going to happen. About our puppy, I haven't said anything about her because I have some friends who are pretty outspoken about my life, and I didn't want to hear the bitching about the fact that we got a puppy. I finally decided I didn't care anymore and made it public, so you get to meet her too! Her name is Tempest, and she's a Newfoundland mix. We're not sure what she's mixed with, but we know she's going to be huge considering her size at 4 months old. This is our Tempy.

And this is the size a Newfoundland gets.

Yeah, we maybe didn't think that through completely, but I adore her. She's a complete sweetheart and makes me laugh on a daily basis.

In other other ramblings, I cut off most of my hair today. You see, I've been dying it since I was 10, and my poor hair has taken it's fair share of damage. It's been breaking and falling out in CHUNKS since I dyed my hair. I tried to get it to go purple, and it did not. Before going purple I had to bleach it and that caused what little will to live my hair had left to flee right out of it. It's been awful and I hate brushing my hair and feeling like I'm balding. So I went today to get most of the breakage cut off, she went a lot shorter than I had anticipated in the back, but I'm pretty sure I like it.

I finished my goal of 100 books read this year, because I rock.

And because we know that I suck at endings, I'm going to leave you with the play I made in Cards Against Humanity that absolutely solidified my spot in hell. There's no debate about it anymore, I'm going to make my Satan my BITCH.

I'm No Shakespeare

I want to write more, but I also want to make sure that I'm leaving this space open for about my life and later down the line about my weigh loss surgery. Cue: I'm No Shakespeare.

I have a book called 642 Thing to Write About, and I want to write about all of them. I plan on writing on each subject from the start of the book to the end and I'll be writing all of them over there. If you want to know more about my project click here. Feel free to follow along while I write and stuff.

Damn You Cancer Sticks

I had my consultation with the surgeon today and it went relatively well. I really liked the surgeon. One of the things I was nervous about is that they just started doing these surgeries here last month, He assured me that he has been doing them for years, so although they're new to the hospital they're not new to him.

The good news is that he said physically I'm an ideal candidate and my Bi-Polar will not prevent me from getting the surgery done as long as I keep up with my mental health and continue to follow my plan of care. There's a course that the hospital requires that I take before the surgery that teaches about the surgery, about the eating habits afterwards, what exercises you should do, how to cope emotionally, etc. He said it depends on the patient but surgery can be scheduled after the courses are complete, which if you're dedicated and working on it could be as soon as a month after starting them. This is all good news.

The bad news is I've been a pack a day smoker for almost seven years. Because of this he told me he won't touch me with a scalpel until I have been nicotine free for six months. Six. Months. You read that correctly. He said that smoking increases the risk of a hernia 20%, and it increases the likelihood of an infection or the stomach not healing properly. From what I understood when you smoke it basically suffocates your veins and doesn't allow as much oxygen to get to them, when you have the surgery you have 60-80% less stomach to be able to absorb the oxygen that it's used to. Without that oxygen the staples won't heal as quickly and there are chances for complications. I've attempted to quit smoking multiple times before, and always failed. I think a big part of that was because I was trying to quit because other people wanted me to. I decided at the appointment that I have one pack of cigarettes left and once those are gone, they're gone and I'm done. I want this surgery more than I want another pack of cigarettes, so this will be a good thing. I am pretty bummed that because of smoking I'm now seven months out from surgery instead of one month, but most people have to wait six months to get it anyways so I kind of expected some form of wait.

Although I wish I could get it sooner, I'm slightly okay with the wait because, well, I'm a fatty. There's a chance I will be going to California in May to watch my younger siblings while my parents go on vacation, and not having the surgery done yet will allow me to enjoy some real Mexican food and eat one last Chipotle burrito before my stomach can't handle it anymore. #fatkidsoul

I'm not sure what waiting six months of not smoking will mean for the blog. I absolutely want to focus more on blogging about the surgery than anything else, but this is leaving a six month gap in my plan. I'm not comfortable sharing the inner workings of my marriage anymore as we're trying to focus on us and I don't feel right broadcasting it to the world. With that being said, I will still post between now and starting the classes. I have a book with about seven hundred idea topics to write about and I would like to get back into blogging a bit again. However, I don't want to write just to write. I've made countless numbers of posts in the past about absolutely nothing and that's not how I want to run this bitch anymore. I've decided I'm not going to put myself on a schedule. When I first started blogging I wanted to be a big blog with tons of readers, I'm not really interested in that any more. I'm not going to follow the rules of blog land. I don't care about the number of people my blog reaches, I care about the content I put out. I want to write when I want to, about what I want to write, and how I want to write it. If that means that you get a long post with no pictures, a bunch of curse words, or me shamelessly expressing my opinion with no fucks to give what anyone else will think, so be it. And while I'll be posting about my life some and I absolutely will still be wildly inappropriate at times, I also want to make sure that what I post either matters or is funny. Basically what I'm saying is don't expect me to come back with the four to five posts a week. Hell, there may be a couple of weeks that go by that I don't say anything at all. Just know that I'm around and I'll be posting when I want to, because it's my blog and as Cartman would say...

I'm Going To (Hopefully) Be Surgically Removing My Stomach

After a lot of consideration, thinking long and hard (like one of my favorite things in life is) I've decided I'm going to pursue weight loss surgery. I was leaning towards getting the lapband done because a friend and my cousin both had it done and have had success. I scheduled an appointment with my doctor and discussed wanting the referral for surgery with him. I explained that I saw a nutritionist about a eighteen months ago when I was considering getting gastric bypass done and that I lost over 50 lbs in 2013 with the diet changes that she suggested. I also explained that since I went on my crazy pills in May that I've gained 30 of those pounds back.

We discussed my options and he suggested I look into the gastric sleeve. With the lapband I would have to travel to Anchorage for the consultation and to get the surgery done, and that they do the gastric sleeving at our hospital here. He also said that the sleeve has the greatest overall weight loss. I've done some research on it and from what I gather the surgery entails them cutting out roughly 80% of my stomach and stapling it back together in a sleeve the size of the banana. With the lapband they leave a plastic contraction in me that's adjustable, with the gastric bypass they reroute my stomach, and although it sounds scary I think I like the idea of just removing part of my stomach and not leaving anything in me or rerouting anything the most. Another cool thing about the sleeve is part of the stomach that's removed is the part that produces the hormone that causes you to get hungry. I like that.

I'm basically back at pictures two and three now after the weight gain. Boo. Faces.

My doctor told me that physically I am an ideal candidate for the surgery. I'm above the BMI requirement and I have a history of showing that I can lose weight. He said the only thing that may hold me up on getting it is my Bi-Polar diagnosis. He also said however that the fact that I had seen mental health before my appointment, that I'm stable on my medication, and that I'm already set up with a counselor (albeit a marriage one, but it's something) greatly increases my chances of being approved. It shows a history of me taking my mental health seriously and that I'm able to stick with my plan of treatment. He put in a referral to have a consultation with the surgeon to discuss if they think I'm a good candidate and what steps I'll need to take in order to get my approval. I discussed this with him on Friday, and I got a phone call on Tuesday scheduling my consultation for tomorrow. It's possible I'll have to wait six months to actually get the surgery if the surgeon chooses to move forward, but I like how quickly this has progressed so far.

I'm not going to lie, I'm really nervous. I do think this is the right decision for me though, I've tried and failed multiple times at losing the weight myself and think that I need the extra boost the surgery will give me. This surgery isn't something that I can quit, I can't ask them to put my stomach back in, once this commitment is made, it's made for life. I am in no way expecting this to be a miracle pill, I don't expect to wake up in the hospital a hundred pounds lighter. This is going to be taxing both physically and emotionally. I'm going to have to redefine my relationship with food. I'll have to be on a liquid diet the first two weeks after surgery, and that's a lot of protein shakes. I'm going to have to eat mush food (scrambled eggs, yogurt, refried beans) for another two to three weeks after that. I'm going to have to teach myself to eat because my body needs it for fuel and not because I'm having a bad day or it tastes good. I'm going to have to learn how to live without Dr Pepper. I'm going to have to come to terms that I may have setbacks, that the weight doesn't come off as quickly as I'd like, that there will be plateaus. I'm going to have to deal with a whole new set of insecurities when my body shrinks but my skin doesn't. I'm going to have to learn how to truly love myself again, which I think is going to be one of the most emotionally draining ones of all.

With all of these things that are hard, there will also be a lot of positives as well. I'm going to stop hurting my body by carrying around so much extra weight. I'm going to be healthy. I'm going to get to walk into a doctors office with an issue and have them not immediately blame it on my weight. I'm going to be able to sit in my husband's lap without worrying I'm going to break his legs. I'm going to be able to walk into a store and be able to buy an outfit that's cute, not one that's located in it's own small section with a few options that all scream "I LOVE ANIMAL PRINT" or "I HAVE TWELVE GRANDKIDS AND FIFTY TWO CATS." I'm going to be able to see what I'll look like thin for the first time since I was eleven. I'm going to be able to walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded. I'm going to up my chances of both getting pregnant, and having a healthy pregnancy. I'm going to be able to play tag with my children, and be an (keyword) ACTIVE part of their lives instead of sitting on the sidelines.

It's scary, but it's also extremely exciting and I think this is going to be the best decision I've ever made for myself. With all of that being said, while I was doing my research I was looking for blogs that people chronicled their gastric sleeve journey from start on out and I couldn't find any. I wanted the candid, day to day, bare all this is how I truly feel account of getting the surgery done, and I couldn't find one. It occurred to me that if I wanted to be able to read something like this and couldn't find it, that there were probably other people that have and will search the same thing and also not be able to find one too. I decided to be that person for them, since I haven't had one for me. I'm going to chronicle my journey through this absolutely honestly and let anyone who's interested in the surgery get to know more  about it from my point of view. I'll be posting about what I need to do to qualify for it, the surgery, the healing, how the diets go, what I can and can't eat, how much I exercise, and how the weight loss is going. I plan do to a weigh in, take measurements, and take pictures once a week so that those who are interested can see the changes as they're happening. You can watch me both grow (emotionally) and shrink (physically). I plan on being candid. The great, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

In preparation for the avenue that I'm taking my blog, I deleted a lot of the old posts. I was at nearly 500 and now I'm down to fifty. The majority of my posts didn't really say anything of substance anyways, and more than I'd care to admit were more along the lines "Welp, I suck at blogging, I haven't posted in a few weeks here's a general update and promises to post more" and then I didn't. I decided to keep posts that were meaningful to me, that I thought were extremely well written, or that I really enjoyed writing/make me laugh. In the next couple of days I'll also be redesigning the page and changing things up a bit. You can still expect me to be completely inappropriate, extremely candid, and absolutely hilarious as always, but it's going to have an actual direction now as well.

If you're wanting to follow along, by all means, join me on this journey. If not, ain't* no feelings going to be hurt by you clicking that unfollow button.




*Can we take a second here to discuss the absurdity in the fact that the internet accepts ain't is a word (no squiggly line) but refried beans (which is how they spell it on the cans, I CHECKED) is considered wrong?