Sunday, January 27, 2013

The Gentleman's Guide to Foreplay (F is for...)

The Gentleman's Guide to Foreplay

Today's topic is foreplay. I'm going to give you the do's and the don'ts for pleasing your ladies broken down into a few different topics. This does NOT cover ALL foreplay, because I'd be here forever if I tried. Regardless of if she's your wife, your long time girlfriend, or the chick you picked up at the bar twenty minutes ago, foreplay is essential in nearly every sexual situation you'll find yourself in. Believe it or not, most women talk. We talk about what you did right, what you did wrong, and what you tried really hard at but just couldn't get down. You don't want to be that guy that we talk about who thought that by grabbing her tit and giving her a quick peck you got her all wet and wild for you. If you're this guy, we will laugh about you when we tell our friends. 

Definition: Foreplay is a set of emotionally intimate and physically intimate acts between two or more people meant to create sexual arousal and desire for sexual activity.

Now, if she's a one night stand the emotional connection isn't going to be all that important. She's already naked in front of you and you probably don't remember her name anyways, so just skip ahead to the next paragraph. For those of you in long term relationships, the emotional connection is a big role in your sex life. Squeezing her tit and asking if she wants to do it isn't going to get her in the mood. Compliment her, tell her she looks beautiful, or sexy, or whatever it is you want to say. Make her feel loved and appreciated before you even start trying to get lucky. She'll appreciate that you appreciate her, by appreciating you if you catch my drift. 

Kissing: Kissing is, to me at least, the most intimate part of sex and foreplay. Kiss her all over. Kiss her lips, her cheek, her neck, her breasts, inner thighs, etc. etc. The sensation of  your lips on her body will build up the tension and anticipation for what else of yours she's going to feel. Don't let her down. Also, don't be a drooly kisser. When I say kiss down her body, I don't mean leave a trail of spit from head to toe, that's gross and will leave her wanting to skip the sex and jump straight to the shower. 

Finger play: Gentlemen, the vagina is not an X Box controller. You can't press a few buttons and expect to unlock an achievement. It's more like a rubix cube, with some hard work and concentration you'll reach your goal. I'm not going to go into mechanics here, because this isn't soft core porn, but use common sense. Listen to what your partner is telling you and take cues from her body. If she rearranges, chances are she's trying to hint that you're in the wrong spot. Don't spend ALL of your time and attention on the clit, feel free to push a finger or two inside of her to help with the lubrication. Rubbing a dry clitoris is NOT a pleasant feeling for your lady friend, try to keep that in mind. And two fingers isn't always better than one. Take the time to get to get to know what she likes, listen to her breathing and when you can tell that she likes something, keep doing it. Pretty simple stuff here. 

Oral: If you're not willing to at least try to go down on her, don't expect it back. That's rule number one. Not everyone enjoys oral sex, and that's okay. Some women are self conscious and would prefer that their partner not get all up in their business like that but have no problem giving YOU head. If that's the case congratulations you just hit the jackpot buddy! However, if she wants you to do some snacking and you refuse, it's rude to expect that she'll want to return the favor. Now, once it's been established that she wants you all up in her special sauce, remember that it's not a Tootsie Pop, it takes more than three licks to get to her center. Don't know what to do? Take a tip from the American Pie series and spell out the alphabet a few times. Focus on the clit but feel free to do some exploring while you're down there as well, just make sure not to go to Brown Town without a passport.

** Side note: If she doesn't smell or taste the best try to be sensitive about it. You shouldn't have to stick your head in a tuna factory, but keep in mind that foods, stress levels, soap, and how close she is to 'that time of the month' can all play Hell with the body's natural pH system. Remember, chances are your balls don't always smell the best either, but she doesn't complain. 

Breasts: I know, you love them. Hell, I'm a chick and I love them. Want to know a secret? Squeezing them like a 12 year old boy isn't a turn on, and honestly can be kind of painful. Caress them, massage them, pay attention to the nipples. You can lick, suck, pull, nibble, flick, etc. If it's too much or you're being to rough she'll let you know. Some females don't have very sensitive nipples, but chances are they'll let you play with their boobies anyways because you like it. Enjoy them, don't manhandle them. They're not going anywhere. 

Toys and Lubes: Toys can be an awesome addition to the bedroom for those that have a bit of an adventurous side, but it doesn't have to be intimidating. If you're wanting to introduce a toy into the bedroom make sure to talk about it first with your partner. Once you're both comfortable and have picked out a toy together they can be used for just about anything. If YOU'RE nervous about competing with her new battery operated boyfriend, get something on the smaller side. A bullet is awesome for beginners and can help speed up her orgasm if she's one of those types that take forever. Toys include everything from anal plugs to vibrators and everything in between so have fun with them! 

Food: Food can be a great tool in foreplay if used correctly. If you try putting Tabasco sauce on her nether-regions you're probably going to end up with a sore groin sitting in the emergency room while she tries to get the stinging to stop. Use your brain here. Whipped cream, chocolate syrup, strawberries, and more can all be used as part of the seducing act and easily transfer into the foreplay. Pour some chocolate sauce on them titties and lick it all gone, it's fun and delicious! Try to keep any and all food products away from her vacooter though, or she may end up with an infection and that's not fun for anyone. Another fun thing to introduce is ice. That does happen to be safe to use anywhere on the body and the temperature change can be a fun twist! 

Well there you have it, some tips on how to please your ladies from a lady. Make sure to have an open and honest relationship when it comes to sex. Know each others limits while discovering the likes and dislikes you each have. Make it a priority to include foreplay before sex! (Quickies can be the exception to the rule!) It's important to maintain that physical and emotional connection, and will lead to better sex for you as well. Be a gentleman and make sure that she gets hers. And remember, nice guys NEVER stick it in the butt without permission, there's no such thing as an accidental butt poke. 


  1. Insightful and to the point =) thanks!

  2. Oh I love your wit! I would LOVE for you to write about how to coax a lady into the bedroom! Simply saying, "wanna quickly?" Isn't screaming romance! Some men need to be taught that the pervert is a ultimate last way to get her to "drop her panties"!!

  3. Ha! I love it! I'm going to be starting a "Let's talk about sex" series soon and that'll be a great one!


Stroke my ego baby!