Thursday, March 21, 2013

Top Five Reason my Husband ACTUALLY Plays Video Games

Top Five Reasons my Husband SAYS he Plays Video Games

1. I can do things in video games I can't do in real life.

Like fly, cut bitches with swords, and ride on dragons. Who doesn't want to cut a bitch while riding a dragon? Sounds like an awesome way to waste spend an entire weekend to me! Outside is evil anyways, fresh air is TOTALLY overrated.

2. It's a good stress reliever, you can get all pissed off and instead of going out and gunning people down, you can do it virtually. (Paraphrased a bit)

I REALLY hope video games aren't the only thing preventing my husband from going on shooting sprees, but hey, I married him right? There go all of my dreams of taking a baseball bat to his computer. Imagine the stress relief THAT would bring!

3. Imagination - ideas that other people come up with.

I'll give him this one to a certain extent. This is why I average three books a week minimum when I decide to read. Being transported to somewhere other than Alaskaland is like heaven! However, I'd much rather be on the beach with a daquari than stuck in some grungy dungeon beating off trolls with a magic stick. To each their own I guess.

4. Something that I'm good at enjoy, some people play football, I blow off people's head. (Digitally of course!)

I've never seen my husband attempt any sport at all, so who knows? Maybe he's AWESOME at football. But yes, he is good at what he does. To the point where playing anything with him that has friendly fire is impossible. Either I don't shoot anything because I know he'll jump in front of my bullets, or where ill kill him on purpose instead of just sitting there the whole game. He's no fun to game with at all. I randomly push buttons on Mortal Kombat, he has the entire 26 button attack memorized.

5. It requires no physical effort.

There is no arguing with this.

Top Five Reasons my Husband ACTUALLY Plays Video Games

1. He can be a chick. With very little clothing.

I don't understand this, but if he has the option between being a male or a female character 99.99% of the time, he will choose the female. He says that it's because he's a guy in his everyday life, so he goes with different in his video game character. I think it's the short skirts and triple H jugs.

2. He can choose how much/how little clothing to put on his person.

EVERYTIME I see my husband playing APB his character is wearing less and less clothing. *Insert mini rant here* The clothes. OH THE CLOTHES. Or lack-thereof actually. Video game characters are clearly invented by men. NO woman is going to go running down the street in six inch hooker boots, fish nets, a g string, and nipple pasties. I'm sorry, it just doesn't happen. Especially when that woman is running around with an AK as well. Uh, where did she put that gun just now? Never mind... I don't want to know. And I'm sorry, those size F sweater puppies are NOT sitting that high up on her chest cause nature put them there. Just sayin'.

3. He can get free stuff from dudes who think that because he plays as a girl, he is a girl.

This never fails to crack me up. "Be my Internet gf? I'll give you a million online dollars." My husband could catfish the best of them, people truly believe that because his character has boobs, he does too. He's had people offer to buy him multiple things in game, and has even had a few offer to buy him a webcam/new mic because they wanted to "See how sexy he was in person." Why yes random stranger on the Internet, my husband is rather sexy, but I don't think you'll agree with me once you realize that she has a penis.

4. No female in any video game can ever do anything without sounding like its an orgasmic experience.

Seriously! If getting punched in the face felt the way it sounds on some of these games, sign me up for some MMA fighting, mommas got some punches to take. You fell? Oh! Monster bit you? OH GOD! Got stabbed twelve times? UGH OH GOD OH MY! Jumped from a cliff and broke your leg? I'm obviously doing something wrong here, because that sounded like a lot fun!

5. It requires no physical activity.

Once again, can't really argue with this one.

Also, my apologies for the one picture post, I try to break up wordy posts with pictures but alas, my computer has died on me temporarily. Until I can get her fixed (yes her, come at me bro) I have to post from my phone, which hates allowing me to post more than one picture, at the very end of said post. Boo! Anywhoozles...

Pictured: The husband in his natural habitat. Take note of powerade bottle, plate of food, posture, and the fact that my husband sparkles. Unbeknownst to me I married a Cullen. Oops.


  1. haha. This post made my day. My husband is the exact same way, and shares much of the same reasoning as yours!


Stroke my ego baby!