Like a virgin directing a porno.

Taking parenting advice from a person without kids is like a virgin directing a porno. We think we know what we're doing, but in reality... No clue. So today I'm gonna go ahead and post about what my parentings views are on some of the super controversial jazz. You can all laugh and point when something changes later down the line, or you can hate me for my views. Whatever you want, it's cool. Maybe when I finally pop out my own I'll come back and laugh and laugh and laugh and how silly I was, but hurr we go.

Breast feeding vs formula feeding

I feel that breast is best, HOWEVER I am not going to judge you for using formula. It's easier, takes less time, daddy can do it, some people can't produce milk, some babies don't latch, etc etc. There's not a damn thing wrong with giving your child formula. However, I'm cheap and if I can make that food for free in my boobies it's happening. Simple as that. I also like the idea of the bonding time. Cuddling with the baby while they're all hungry and jazz. Awe. 

Breast feeding in public

Your baby has to eat. As long as you're not making a huge spectical like "FUCK YOU ALL I'M GONNA WHIP MY TITTY OUT AND FEED MY CHILD. I DARE YOU TO SAY SOMETHING." with a huge neon sign, do your business. It's natural. I do think weather allowing tossing a nursing blanket over yourself for some modesty is always a nice thing, but I'm not going to say anything if I see you feeding your baby. Get that baby chunky. 

Extended Breast Feeding 

Ready for this one? No. Just, no. If you feel that your child still needs breast milk and they're three that's on you. I however feel that when my kid can walk up to me with a cookie and ask for some milk that shit should come from a cup, not a tit. I hate the "well in other parts of the world like Africa..." Yeah yeah, but you know what we have here that the small village in Africa doesn't? Access to plentiful food, medication, etc. That child is still breast feeding at 5 because he literally has no other options, not because mommy wants to keep bonding with the baby. I don't know. Honestly, PERSONALLY, I feel like one is a perfectly acceptable age to stop, two is pushing it, and three is unnecessary. But it's your boob and your kid, so whateva.

Vaccinations

There's been a lot going around about vaccinations causing Autism and jazz. I haven't looked into this too much but my view on this is: I will love my child regardless of anything that may or may not be wrong with it. I will deal with anything that's thrown my way, but I would much rather my child get a buncha shots and not get polio than possibly get Autism from something that there hasn't been a direct link to. Coping to life with an autistic child is much easier than coping to life with a dead one, so I'm playing it better safe than sorry. 

Circumcision

This is actually the topic that spawned this post. I will be circumcising my sons. I'll probably get judged for this, but oh well. If you don't want to get your son done, that's on you. I don't care because I will never, ever, ever see your little dudes little dude, therefor it's none of my business. I'm going to have it done for two reasons, ya ready? 

1) It's a bitch to clean. I babysat two uncut little boys and had to bathe them. I felt gross having the clean them. I want to get my kid clean, not feel like I'm molesting them. 

2) It looks weird. Yeah, I'm going to have it done for cosmetic reasons. Sue me. 

I've caught a lot of shit over that, but oh well. I don't care. It's a few seconds of pain when the baby is super young, he's not going to remember it. I'll eat my words if one day he comes up to me and tells me he hares me for having him cut, but until then judge away cause I'm not changing my mind.  

Cloth diapering vs disposable

I'm torn on this one. Like I said I'm cheap, so not spending hundreds of dollars on diapers sounds amazing to me, plus the cloth diapers around today are cute as fuck. However, as I've mentioned multiple times I suck at doing laundry before I have nothing else to wear. I'd rather not have to wash out shitty diapers multiple times a day. This is one of those things I'll have to research a bit more and see how it turns out. 

Co Sleeping

Remember how I said last night that my husband beats me in his sleep? You really think there's even a slight chance I'm going to put my baby in bed with my husband? Not ever going to happen. Ever. Our bed is just that, our bed. It's not being shared. period. Just no. 

And there ya have it. A few parenting ideas from someone who's probably never gonna have a kid with the rate my husband is going. *sigh* Do you agree with anything I said? Disagree? Tell me! I wanna know! 

I'd rather take a bullet than...

Things have been kinda Debby Downer the past few days so I thought I'd compile a list (I love lists) of a few things I'd rather take a bullet than experience.

I would rather take a bullet than...

... Stub my toe. Seriously, is there anything more painful than stubbing your toe? I do this EVERY SINGLE TIME I do laundry. For some reason housing thought it was a great idea to put a random piece of metal sticking up from the ground in front of the washer and dryers. I have no clue what it's for other than inflicting pain. My lil tootsies hit it and that awful pain just shoots through them. I think it would be less painful to get your toe cut off than to stub it, I'd rather take a bullet. 

... Have an ingrown nail. Almost as painful as a stubbed toe. Even worse is when you have those ingrown nails that stick to you like white on rice. Every time you pull it, only s small section of it breaks off and you're forced to torture yourself all over again. I would rather take a bullet. 

... Get a paper cut. I have gotten knife wounds that hurt less than paper cuts. I don't understand how a piece of paper can make you curse like a soldier. They're never very deep, they don't bleed for very long, but I'd rather take a bullet. 

... Sweep. I hate sweeping. With a passion, I would rather do anything else than sweep. I spent $2,000 on a vacuum because it picked up more than my broom did. I suck at sweeping. I know it's not that hard, but I suck at it. I would much rather take a bullet.

 COMPLETE OPPOSITE

... Get stuck in a boring conversation. Don't get me wrong, I love talking. I'm on the phone at least an hour a day. I hate the days that I don't get any human interaction, but solitary confinement is better than a boring conversation. Last week we went to the mandatory family fun day and I got stuck in one of these. A soldier talked to me for twenty minutes about spiders. How they're good for the environment and kill bugs. How cool they are. About his favorite blue tarantula that's indigenous to such and such region and has such and such qualities. SHOOT ME NOW. Want to know my take on spiders? If you're outside, cool for you. If you're in my house you have signed your own death warrant. I will hunt you down and beat you. See, that took thirty seconds, twenty minutes on spiders? I'd rather take a bullet. 

... Have an itchy scalp. My scalp dries out like cray cray. I woke up yesterday morning with an itch so intense that I was considering scalping myself. When Ariel has the right idea by using a fork for a brush you know it's a problem. I would rather take a bullet.


Welp there you have it. Five things I would rather take a bullet than do. Mind you, I'd probably only want the bullet in my pinky toe or something. Can't hurt more than stubbing my toe.

What would be on your list?

Faces of the Fallen

In 2006 I was lucky enough to go on a class trip with my high school to Washington DC and New York City. This trip brought me memories that I will never in my life be able to forget. I had tons of fun doing things like watching the Changing of the Guard at The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, playing in the BIGGEST toy store I've ever seen, and watching The Lion King on Broadway (FANTASTIC.) but the memories that really touch me are all of the times that I spent crying instead, and believe me, I cried a LOT. Today I'm going to tell you about two of them though.

We went to Arlington National Cemetery and were lucky enough to go on the last day of the Faces of the Fallen memorial. It was a collection of portraits from 200 different artists of the first 1,300 service members who died during OIF/OEF. This. Was. Heartbreaking.

There were two faces that stuck out to me, and even now years later I can remember them. One was an eighteen year old girl. She enlisted right out of high school and died eighteen days after her boots hit the soil overseas. Her portrait stuck out to me for two reasons. 1) I was sixteen. She was two years older than me, and she gave everything. 2) Her portrait was in her cap and gown. It really drove home how young she was. I still think about her on occasion and wonder what she would have accomplished in her life. The second was a marine in his mid thirties, he stuck out not because of his portrait, but because of the picture and the note left on it. There was a picture of newborn twins with a note that said "I'm so sorry you never got to meet them, you would have been a great father, I know you're watching over us." I lost it. I cried so hard I had to walk out of the memorial because I just couldn't stop. His babies cross my mind from time to time too, they're preteens now. I couldn't imagine growing up without my father, and it absolutely breaks my heart that they had to. 

The second memory took me quite some  time to find a picture because I couldn't remember what it was called. Across the street from the World Trade Center is the Subway. Along the walls of the stations are hundred of these:

tiles of artwork that children painted about how they felt about 9/11 and messages of positivity, love, and in some cases loss. I wish I knew where all of my pictures from NYC were, but these were pre me having a digital camera day. The one tile that affected me the most caused me to have a complete mental breakdown in the middle of the Subway station. It was a picture of the twin towers with a fire fighter with angel wings and a rainbow. It said "My Daddy went in a firefighter and came out an angel." Seriously guys, it has been eight years since I saw that pictures, and every time I think about it I cry. I'm sitting here typing this and having tears running down face.

What's the best memorial that you've ever been to?