Tuesday, July 9, 2013

I'd rather take a bullet than...

Things have been kinda Debby Downer the past few days so I thought I'd compile a list (I love lists) of a few things I'd rather take a bullet than experience.

I would rather take a bullet than...

... Stub my toe. Seriously, is there anything more painful than stubbing your toe? I do this EVERY SINGLE TIME I do laundry. For some reason housing thought it was a great idea to put a random piece of metal sticking up from the ground in front of the washer and dryers. I have no clue what it's for other than inflicting pain. My lil tootsies hit it and that awful pain just shoots through them. I think it would be less painful to get your toe cut off than to stub it, I'd rather take a bullet. 




... Have an ingrown nail. Almost as painful as a stubbed toe. Even worse is when you have those ingrown nails that stick to you like white on rice. Every time you pull it, only s small section of it breaks off and you're forced to torture yourself all over again. I would rather take a bullet. 

... Get a paper cut. I have gotten knife wounds that hurt less than paper cuts. I don't understand how a piece of paper can make you curse like a soldier. They're never very deep, they don't bleed for very long, but I'd rather take a bullet. 

... Sweep. I hate sweeping. With a passion, I would rather do anything else than sweep. I spent $2,000 on a vacuum because it picked up more than my broom did. I suck at sweeping. I know it's not that hard, but I suck at it. I would much rather take a bullet.


 COMPLETE OPPOSITE

... Get stuck in a boring conversation. Don't get me wrong, I love talking. I'm on the phone at least an hour a day. I hate the days that I don't get any human interaction, but solitary confinement is better than a boring conversation. Last week we went to the mandatory family fun day and I got stuck in one of these. A soldier talked to me for twenty minutes about spiders. How they're good for the environment and kill bugs. How cool they are. About his favorite blue tarantula that's indigenous to such and such region and has such and such qualities. SHOOT ME NOW. Want to know my take on spiders? If you're outside, cool for you. If you're in my house you have signed your own death warrant. I will hunt you down and beat you. See, that took thirty seconds, twenty minutes on spiders? I'd rather take a bullet. 

... Have an itchy scalp. My scalp dries out like cray cray. I woke up yesterday morning with an itch so intense that I was considering scalping myself. When Ariel has the right idea by using a fork for a brush you know it's a problem. I would rather take a bullet.


Welp there you have it. Five things I would rather take a bullet than do. Mind you, I'd probably only want the bullet in my pinky toe or something. Can't hurt more than stubbing my toe.

What would be on your list?

2 comments:

  1. Paper cuts are STUPID!! How can something so small hurt so bad. I worked in a doctors office for years and we used file folders. File cuts are like paper cuts only they hurt worse and bleed more and you have a gaping wound!

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  2. GAH I hate sweeping too! I had to do it today and it's impossible to get every crumb and then when you mop you find more that your stupid broom missed...then when you get to the dog hair it floats around everywhere. Grr. Annoying!

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Stroke my ego baby!