Thursday, August 29, 2013

My four am rant about fat girls and clothing

I am exhausted. The one night that I could have easily went to bed before midnight and I played nice wife and stayed up until the paycheck hit to run to Walmart and grab some stuff the husband needed for work today. That man better love me, but I digress.

While I was at Walmart I decided to grab some underwear and some workout clothes. Well, that was the plan anyways. It's no secret that I am a fat chick. I'm woking on that but right now that's what I am. I accept it, I let myself get to this point. I haven't bought underwear in years. Like since high school. I pretty much go commando all the time, it's more comfortable to me. But recently I've discovered a love for not wearing pants at home, and seeing as I finally kicked our roommate out (He has until the 15th to find somewhere else to live, I can not begin to explain how excited I am about this) I decided to invest in some more. I only have two pairs right now so I was super excited to go underwear shopping. I am a girl after all, and even though I don't normally wear them doesn't mean I don't appreciate a cute pair of panties. So I'm perusing the fat girl panties and do you know is offered? GRANNY PANTIES. That's fucking it. The majority of them are ugly ass white ones. They offer the ones that basically pull up to under your tits, or the ones that are hi-cuts. They had like four semi cute color options to choose from and that was it. Seriously? Big girls like underwear too. Big girls want cute underwear too. It should not be that damn difficult to find a cute pair of panties just because I have some (okay a lot) extra cushion for the pushin. This pissed me off. So after checking literally every. single. pair. offered. I finally gave up and grabbed some of the hi-cuts, because you're not going to catch me dead in no stinkin grannie panties. Noooo thank you. 

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with anything I'm talking about, but there was a lot of words so I figured I'd throw it in to break it up. A friend sent it to me years ago with the caption "I'm keeping this apple hostage. You know the ransom." I really didn't but got a good laugh anyways. 

So now I'm kinda pissed because my undies shopping did not go as planned, and I go over to the work out apparel and do you know what I find? NOT A SINGLE FUCKING THING IN MY SIZE. NOT A SINGLE THING. I'm sorry, you'd think that they'd carry work out clothes for fat chicks seeing as we're the ones who need to work out but noooooo. Plenty of extra smalls though! Ugh. It's frustrating. I don't want to pay $60 online for a pair of pants that I can run in. I found a pair of legging that should do the trick in the normal clothes section and said fuck it, that'll work. 

Can someone explain to me why it's so hard to find plus size clothes that are cute? Just because I'm fat does not mean I want to dress like I'm 80 and have 60 cats. I also don't want to be forced to shop at Torrid where a shirt is $40 and pants are $60. I'd like to be able to buy an outfit without it costing me half my paycheck, my first born child, and my arm. That's the dream isn't it? *sigh*

Anyways while I was there I also picked up the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. With winter coming quickly and the fact that it's been raining more and more lately (I'm going to cry the first time that rain turns to snow.) I need something I can do inside. I'm also not losing very much weight just walking, and my running shoes are crap anyways. It's pointless to invest in new ones when I won't be able to use them in thirty days or less anyways so a work out DVD is the way to go. I really didn't want to do Jillian Michaels. I hate her with a passion. Everything about her annoys the ever living hell out of me. Her voice, the way she looks, the fact that she just stands there the majority of the video and then asks me if I can feel the burn. BITCH YOU AREN'T EVEN SWEATING AND I'M PRETTY SURE I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK. EVERYTHING. Her stupid can do attitude. I can't stand her. But, I'm stuck dealing with her because unfortunately the only other videos they had were dance videos, and white girl has no rhythm. I look like I'm having a seizure when I try to dance, it is not a pretty sight. I tried Zumba once and spent 98% of the time tripping over my feet, so Jillian was the less of two evils. I have a plan though! I'm going to mute that bitch, throw my headphones in, and rock out to Pandora while trying really hard not to punch my TV. I have shows to watch and I don't think my husband would forgive me for putting a hole in the screen. I'll be starting the 30 day shred at some point tomorrow. I have errands and grocery shopping to do, but I'll squeeze it in at some point. 

There you have my four in the morning rant. I'm going to go make sweet love to my bed now. The husband gets up for work in an hour and I'd love to be asleep before then. Here's to hoping. 


  1. DAMN IT ALL TO HELL. It's been so ling since I bought underwear I had absolutely no clue what size I was and guessed. I guessed wrong. A bit to big. The only way they fit is if I make them the granny panties pulled up over my belly button. T.T

    Looks like I'm buying more next pay period. Daaaamn iiiiit.

  2. You should be able to return them even if the package was open if you have the receipt. And, celebrate the fact that they are too big!! Needing a smaller size is annoying but also good news.

    I hate Jillian too. I have tried 30 Day Shred a few times but I can't do it for more than a week without wanting to destroy the DVD. Happy muting!

  3. Try places other than Wal-mart for cuter panties....if they ahve tha tin Alaska haha

    1. Sadly my options here are Walmart or Torrid, and I don't want to pay $20 a pair of underwear lol.

  4. You don't have a Target?! WTF Alaska?! Don't hate me but I love Jillian. That bitch is gorgeous. I was doing her Body Revolution program. It's a 3 month thing. Because I suck at life I got caught up with life and stopped after 2 weeks. I suppose I should restart. FML.... losing weight is a bitch.

  5. I buy mine at Torrid online and only shop the clearance section. Good luck. I have got some at Kmart before, do you have a Kmart near you? They have Joe Boxer brand and offer size small - 3XL they are cute too.

  6. This post made me laugh... Not sure if that was your intention but I love how blunt you are about the whole situation. I'm sure in the moment IT SUCKED but kinda makes for a funny story right? Good luck finding undies girl ;)


Stroke my ego baby!