Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Driving 101: How Not to be a Douchebag.

Wow. Revolt is going to kick my ass something fierce. I haven't been able to pick up weights or a battery for the scale yet, but I started yesterday and I'm so sore. I was only able to complete two out of three of the circuts before my lungs gave out. I need to find my inhaler for today's exercise. It's going to suck at first but I got this. I'm more determined than I've ever been. 

Anyways. 



Hello class, welcome to Driving 101, today we're studying how not to be a complete douchebag on the road by discussing three things that happened on my 10 minute drive. 

Lesson 1: Right on Red

Situation: You are at a red light and need to make a right turn. I have a green light and am going the speed limit of 45 mph in the lane you want to turn into.

Do: Take notice that I am coming and realize that I am going much faster than you and could potentially hit you. Wait until I and any other vehicles pass and then you may turn right on red. 

Don't: Ignore the fact that your light is red and continue pulling out in front of me. This causes me to slam on my breaks, which is bad for them. If I hit you it hurts my car, and that's coming out of your pocket. It could also potentially hurt you, and wouldn't you feel silly then?


Lesson Two: Merging

Situation: You're driving down College road towards Illinois street. It has been under construction for over a year now, and within the last few weeks has narrowed down to one lane in places. There are big giant signs with arrows telling you to start getting over into the other lane. There are also big orange cones making these lanes. You're driving in the incorrect lane when you notice these signs.

Do: Start merging then. 

Don't: Drive to the end and mean mug me as I drive by. You saw the signs, there's no way in hell I'm letting you cut me off. 


Lesson Three: Left Turn Lane

Situation: You are in a left turn lane and the light is yellow, there are cars coming in the opposite direction. You are behind the line when the light turns red as the last car goes through.

Do: Stay placed. Wait through the next stoplight and continue on your way.

Don't: Ignore your red light and decide to turn anyways. This causes those with a green light to have to wait on you and makes you look like a dick. Also, definitely don't try to pass someone in the left lane by driving into the oncoming traffic lane and forcing yourself in front of them. I'm looking at you red truck man, you're a tool.

Class is dismissed.


 

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5 comments:

  1. Were you by any chance in Carbondale today because I swear I had to deal with ALL of these!!

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  2. Weekday a gray class. Hope some assholes out there learned something. ... I really hate how people ignore the merge signs. My old man does it to a point and I'm like " why do you wait so long? Just put your turn Signal on and some one will let you in" makes me want to slap him up side the head...

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    Replies
    1. Wow. Holy auto correct batman! "What a great class"

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    2. Wow. Holy auto correct batman! "What a great class"

      Delete
  3. Weekday a gray class. Hope some assholes out there learned something. ... I really hate how people ignore the merge signs. My old man does it to a point and I'm like " why do you wait so long? Just put your turn Signal on and some one will let you in" makes me want to slap him up side the head...

    ReplyDelete

Stroke my ego baby!