I've decided that I focus too much on the number of my weight. I don't really have a goal weight, but I've been weighing myself on a daily basis getting upset if the scale reads higher than lower. I know that it's pointless. I know that your weight can fluctuate depending on the time of day, time of month, what you've eaten, if you've pissed lately, etc daily. I also know that with my mother's unhealthy relationship with her weight that I don't want to fall into the same patterns that she worked so hard to break. So here's what I've decided. I will weigh myself once a week. That's it. No more than that. I will weigh myself when I wake up, on that one day of the week, and chart if I've lost any weight or not. I will post pictures once a month with a total of how much I've lost at total and that month. This will happen every four weeks, and only on the days that I'm allowed to weigh myself. I've also decided that since I don't really have a goal weight, instead I'm going to go for my goal body.
I've never wanted to be stick thin. I've always known that I've done way too much damage to my body to ever look like a Victoria's Secret model. It's just not going to happen. Ever. I don't mind being a thick girl. I just don't want to be fat anymore. Right now my body is nowhere near where I want it to be. So here is a list of things I'd like for my "ideal" body. Ready for it?
1) I'd like to be able to see my fucking belly button. - Yes, I am that fat. I could probably lose an entire finger in my belly button before I hit the bottom of it. My fat rolls over itself at this point and I can't see it. I know I'll probably never have a flat tummy. I don't particularly care to have to six pack, but I would love to be able to look at my stomach and be like "Oh look. There's my belly button." I would like for my stomach to not hang over itself anymore. Like I said, not necessarily flat, but not a damn kangaroo pouch carrying a beer keg either.
2) No double chin. I don't know where it came from (Ice cream... chips... err... okay maybe I do know where it came from) but I want it gone. I'm tired of seeing pictures of myself and cringing because of my chins.
|Not traditionally skinny, but I think these girls have the perfect bodies!|
3) No back rolls. It absolutely kills me that my back has rolls too. I am not a bakery. I don't care to be perfectly skinny, but I'd like to not have the three separate sets of rolls on my back either. I just want my back to look like a back. Especially because I've got tattoos there that I'd love to be able to take a picture of without cropping out a fat roll.
4) No more jiggly arms. My arms jiggle like a wattle on a turkey. I could hit it and it will go on having it's own little dance party. I ain't down with that. I want them to be toned. I'd like to wear a tank top without feeling self conscious. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wear them anyways, but I'd like to feel good while doing so.
5) I'd like my thighs to thin out to the point of not chaffing every time I spend a day walking. Seriously. That shit is painful. I would love to get them toned enough to get a garter tattoo. I don't care about having a thigh gap, I just care about them not chaffing anymore. I think thick thighs are sexy as shit on a woman, and I want to be sexy damn it.
6) I want an ass. Seriously. I am like the only fat chick in the world who has a flat ass. THANKS DAD. SUPER APPRECIATED. I don't care what I have to do, I'd like some form of a booty. Doesn't have to be a bubble one, doesn't have to be huge, just something other than "damn... you have a board where your butt is supposed to be."
7) I really don't want to lose my boobs. I like my boobs. Maybe lose like, a cup size, but I'll do whatever I need to to keep them, even if that means that I'm paying for them. My husband is a tits man, and I'll be damned if I take those away from him.
Basically I would love to be able to walk into any store that doesn't cater to size zero's specifically and know that I can find something in my size. I would be perfectly happy in a size 10/12. I want to feel good about myself, I want to feel sexy, I want to feel beautiful, I want this. I'm going to work for it. I'm going to succeed.