The plan for today was to just hit publish on my pre-written "12 Facts From My Teenage Years" and be done for the day. It's my first day off in over a week, and I fully intended on just reading all day and not thinking about anything. But then, I woke up still mad about last night. Here it is an hour after I woke up, and you guessed it, still mad. Today's post isn't going to be funny, it's going to sound a lot like a lecture, but I don't care.
I do not care who you are, if you have been drinking and get behind the wheel of a vehicle, you are essentially taking a loaded gun onto the street and open firing without aiming. A car is a weapon, if you're drunk or not, but when you're drunk, you have no control over that weapon.
Let me recap what happened last night. I babysat until 2 am, and the went to pick up my roommate at a party. When I got there he wasn't ready to come home yet and asked if I'd come hang out for a bit. I was tired but told him we could stay for an hour and then leave. About ten minutes before we're supposed to leave I decide to play a game of beer pong with the guys, having my teammate drink for me because, well, I'm driving. I realize that one of the drunk men is grabbing his truck keys and saying his goodbyes. I ask him to wait until the game is over and I'll take him home. I explain to him that my best friends ten year old brother was killed by a drunk driver, and I'd really appreciate it if he didn't drive away drunk. He tells me there aren't any ten year olds out, an he doesn't plan on killing anyone tonight. I told him the man that killed Ryan probably didn't get into his truck with the thought process of "Oh, I think I'll kill a kid tonight." He proceeds to make the excuses of "oh it's just down the street, I'll be okay, it's three am, no one is out." You know the excuses, we've all heard then before. I FINALLY convince him to let me take him and continue on with my beer pong game. The quick ten minute game turned into a 45 minute game because two of the men I was playing with decided to slap away the ball every time it was coming towards the cups. Drunk dude and roommate went out for a smoke, and roommate came back in and said drunk dude was standing outside on the phone. At this point I get a bad feeling about it and am pissed that they keep smacking balls away, so with one cup left each, I walk away from the game and say goodbye. Roommate was in the house all of a minute before we were back on the front porch, and drunk dude and his truck were gone. After PROMISING me to my face he wouldn't leave, he got into his truck the second he was alone and drove away.
I was livid. I went to bad angry, woke up angry, and as I'm writing this I'm getting even angrier. This man is no longer welcome at my house, and if my roommate goes over there I won't be going in to hang out anymore while they drink, I'll pick him up when he's ready to come home.
I understand that people are young and dumb sometimes, and there are people who make the mistake once, realize how stupid it was, and never ever do it again.
Although I won't EVER approve of drunk driving, I typically won't hold something you did as a youngin against you if you own up to it and recognize that it was a bad decision, and more importantly NEVER DO IT AGAIN. But this, this was different. I very rarely drink, it's even rarer that I drink at a house that isn't mine. This puts me in permanent DD mode. I've driven everyone from baby fuzzy privates to SGT's to where they need to go to stop them from driving drunk. Everyone in my roommates group of friends knows that I will take them home, and this dude just drove away drunk like it was no big deal.
Did you know:
A drunk driver is more likely to survive a crash than the person they hit?
That in 2010, 211 children were killed in drunk driving crashes? And out of those 211 deaths, 131 (62 percent) were riding with the drunk driver?
That adults drank too much and got behind the wheel about 112 million times in 2010? Or that that is almost 300,000 incidents of drinking and driving a day?
That if all 17 million people who admitted to driving drunk in 2010 had their own state, it would be the fifth largest in the U.S.?
That drunk driving cost the government $132 BILLION dollars a year?
Or that on average, one in three people will be involved in a drunk driving crash in their lifetime?
PLEASE don't be a dumb ass. When you get into the car drunk, you are playing god to every person on that road. Call a taxi, ask a friend, walk, drink at home. Be smart and designate a driver! Don't take that risk!
The next time you're thinking about going out drinking, please take a second to think about Ryan. This sweet face never got to grow up, to go to prom, have a girlfriend, or graduate high school. He'll never get married or have children. He will never meet his little brother or his nephews. He's forever ten years old because some asshole decided that he'd only had a few and was okay to drive. Don't be that asshole, don't take somebody's Ryan away from them.
I loved doing Friday's post, so I decided to go to the next phase of my life and cover the teen years! (13-18). And off we go! Once again, I would love to hear random facts about you! Post them below!
1. "If you only applied yourself..." was a term that I heard often in high school. I have the IQ of a genius (180) and the heart of a slacker, so putting too much work into a subject that I wasn't interested in was not on my agenda.
2. I absolutely hated my first boyfriend until about a week before we started dating, even though we had all of the same mutual friends. ALL of our friends went on a school trip to Rome, and the only ones left from our group was me and him. We were forced to start talking, and one thing led to another.
Some of our group of friends, and the only picture I have left of the ex boyfriend and I.
3. I got caught plagiarizing an essay in high school, and bribed my teacher not only to not tell the principal, but to let me redo the assignment, with a night of free babysitting, a bag of M&M's, and a snickers bar.
4. I once did a report on Down syndrome for Biology class and brought in three bags of marshmallows. The intention was to give everyone in the class some to put in their mouth so they could understand why people with Down syndrome sound the way they do when they talk. (Their tongues are bigger than "normal" tongues.) I only had time to pull one person up though so I was left with three full bags of them. My next class was health class and my teacher asked for one so I threw one to him and it hit him in the face. He threw it back at me and hit the person sitting next to me. This led to class being canceled and an hour long marshmallow fight instead. We were finding marshmallows around the classroom MONTHS later.
5. My math teacher swore that if I just tried I'd understand and love math. I had him for Algebra two, Calculus, and Trigonometry. I should have failed each class, but he was so sure that he could turn me into a math lover that he sat me down at the end of each year and told me he'd change my grade to passing if I promised to take another one his math classes the next year. I had no idea what was going on in anything past Geometry, but I passed them all with a C.
1. Yes, I am barefoot. My shoes started to hurt. 2. This picture cracked me up because of the Trojan country, and then my little brother running into the picture.
6. Junior year we went on a class trip to New York City and Washington DC for a week. We went to Benihana's and I sat at the table with my principal. He bought a sushi platter for the people at our table out of his own pocket, and when I told him I didn't eat sushi, he told me that he had access to my transcripts and I would try it if I wanted to graduate. He then made everyone at the table watch me eat it and laughed and laughed and laughed. Jerkface lol.
7. I was so bad in shop class eighth grade year, that the shop teacher offered me an A in his class and permission to sit out of all projects, IF I promised to never take a single one of his classes in high school. A deal was struck.
8. The only fist fight I have ever been in in my life happened in that shop class a well. A BOY I went to school with was constantly picking on me and when he got into my face I lost it. I told him if he was going to talk to me like I was a man, and get into my bubble like I was a man, he may as well hit me like I was a man. My momma always said never throw the first punch, but once that's thrown beat their ass, and that's exactly what happened. He swung, and seeing a fist coming towards my face, I moved. And then I broke his nose.
I don't remember what I saw, this was the day after graduation and apparently it made me SUPER happy.
9. My history teacher read us a passage from The Jungle regarding the disgusting things that happen in meat factories, and then offered 20 extra credit points to anyone who would eat a Vienna sausage afterwards. I was the only one brave enough to do it.
10. I won almost $1,000 total from a speech contest I participated in as a freshman hosted by the Rotary Club (basically a bunch of old people that get together every Wednesday morning for a BOMB ass breakfast, and do charity work sometimes) I spoke on why I believed that same sex marriage should be legal, and won first prize for our local competition. My cousin, who was a junior, came in third. I then came in first in all of the small towns around us, and in third for Southern California.
Buy a senior day. We bought my best friend and dressed her up in my exes clothes. Clearly I was ready to go home!
11. I was a yearbook nerd. I pretty much took over for the editor my junior year because she sucked. When my mom kicked me out my senior year I was devastated because I was supposed to be editor in chief that year. I came home for a week when one of my friends passed away and worked on it while I was back. I would help my teacher as much as I could through email. My mom called me when she got the yearbook that year, because my teacher still named me as EIC.
12. When I flew back for my friends funeral my mom gave three friends and I two big boxes of sidewalk chalk and we went to the school in the middle of the night and drew a mural in front of the library for her. The next day at school a lot of kids were saying how much they loved it and that they wished they could add on to it. My mom went and bought all of the sidewalk chalk in town and brought it to the school, where everyone was able to add on. People stepped in the tiny little spots between the chalk until the rain washed it away. I had never seen our school so unified. It was a heartbreakingly beautiful thing.
At the World War Two Memorial in Washington DC, getting photobombed by JP.
This walk down memory lane was fun! If you're ever struggling for something to write about, give this a try!
I'm having a hard time coming up with a topic tonight, but wanted to make sure I posted SOMETHING because I have been slacking, a lot. And thus, 10 random facts about my childhood. I'd love to know random facts about you too, so feel free to post some below!
1. I taught myself how to write before I started school. My mom would buy those activity books that focus on a letter per book, and leave them in my room. She never asked me to do them, would just leave them there, and I'd bring them to her when I was done.
2. I skipped Kindergarden, failed first grade, (I wasn't socially ready to move on from what I was told, whatever that means.) and I skipped sixth grade. FYI, 6th grade is the WORST grade to skip. That is where you learn all of the basic math skills that come in handy for high school math. I ended up graduating three months after turning 17.
I have no recolection of this picture being taken, but that's me in the middle!
3. I was sent to the principals office in the first grade for refusing to hold my pencil the way the teacher wanted me to. Remember how I taught myself how to write? Apparently it wasn't holding the pencil the correct way. The principal told my teacher that if I was writing, it really didn't matter how I held my pencil. I STILL write that way today, so HA ON YOU MRS TELL.
4. In second grade, my class had five class pets. Two snakes, a tarantula, a tortoise and a opossum. The summer in between second and third grade I volunteered to take the opossum home with me. I asked my mom to pick me up late so I could "say goodbye to my friends" and when she got there I was standing outside with it, and the teacher ha already left. It worked AWESOME for keeping my sister out of my room.
5. Speaking of my sister, she used to be afraid of the vacuum cleaner, so when she pissed me off I'd turn it on and chase her out of the room with it.
6. I had my first make out session when I was 8 years old. I know, I know. It was in the shelter at the bus stop with DL and it was gross. I didn't kiss another boy until I got my first real boyfriend at 15.
7. When I was ten we used to break into these abandoned buildings behind the baseball field. I hung out with my neighbor who was 13 and a bad influence. We'd break in and hang out while he smoked weed. I never did though.
8. Near the baseball field was a little pond at the bottom of small hill (like ten feet of gradual slope until you hit water.) When I was 12 and my brother was 2 I took him on a walk in his stroller and we went near the pond. Being young and stupid an not grasping anything about physics I left his stroller at the top of said mini hill while I went to grab something I saw at the bottom. I then had to jump into said pond to save my brothers life after he leaned forward causing his stroller to go straight into the pond. Explaining to my mom why my brother was soaked and his stroller was coated in mud was fun.
I don't remember this one either. Apparently I was the little mermaid one year.
I remember being Jasmine from Aladdin, but not ariel.
And look! The ever famous "mommy put a bowl on my head" hair cut!
9. I stole a pack of cigarettes from my babysitter for the 13 year old I hung out with and got caught. My mom made me sit down and write "I'm sorry I stole from you Norman, I'll never do it again." 1,000 times. She counted them when I gave it to her, and I had 998. She made me start over.
10. My stepfather was fire chief of the fire station in our town, so we pretty much grew up in the fire station. My mom came in one day and told me to put on my bathing suit, and the ugliest pair of pants and shirt that I had, and to go to the fire station. When I got there, they put me in the ambulance and pretended I was a car crash victim. They strapped me to the back board, put a neck brace on me, cut off my clothes to check for injuries (hence the ugly clothes and bathing suit), the whole nine yards. When they were done John told them he's unstrap me when he finished putting stuff away so the guys went into the sleeping area. He waited a few minutes, laughed, and walked away leaving me strapped to the back board for an hour before Robert came out and found me. I was beyond livid, but I got a popsicle out of it.
Daw. I was a-freaking-dorable.
BONUS FACT: When I was in the 5th grade we started band class and I was given the trombone. My mom wouldn't let me practice at the house, so I would go to the baseball field, climb a tree with it, and play as loudly as I could.
Well that turned into more like 11 random memories from my childhood, but that was fun! I think I'll do my teenage years tomorrow!
If you haven't watched the show, you have no business on my page! Just kidding, kind of. But if you haven't watched, this post won't really have anything interesting in it to you, and a bunch of spoilers, so go away. (Said with love of course, kind of.)
I'm pretty much going to sum up how I feel about the characters involved in the show this season, and where I see the show going when it comes back on in SIX WHOLE MONTHS! I'm going to try really hard not to mention things from the comic book (yes, THAT obsessed) that haven't happened yet, but I may get a bit carried away. No promises. Also, if you're expecting a logical order to anything in this post you are sorely mistaken. I'm writing this on my phone, and as things pop into my head, so how it comes out is how it stays.
Carl
I'm really not sure how I feel about this kid. I want so badly to like him seeing as he's the only one his age, but it kills me to see that he has no innocence left. He's such a different young man from the little boy that couldn't shoot that first zombie in the riverbed by Hershel's farm. I can't even imagine what it would be like to grow up in that sort of environment. He's literally being taught that he can't trust ANYBODY, dead or alive. He's also being taught that it's dangerous to get attached to anyone. We all know that everyone will die eventually, but none of us have ever had to put a bullet through our mother's head after watching out baby sister get cut out of her. You could see the change in him as early as when he shot Shane, but I think that was the pivotal loss of all fucks to give. He's starting to respect Rick less (although with Rick's level of crazy I don't blame him!) and is demanding more responsibility. I can understand why he wants to be treated like a man, but he's what 12? He wouldn't know what to do with a normal childhood if they ever found a truly safe place. Now, without giving anything away, if the basic story line continues the same as the comic book, he has a lot of bad stuff coming his way, and his bad ass will shine. However, as always, he never learns to just STAY IN THE HOUSE CARL.
Beth
Who? Yeah. That pretty much sums up her role in the show. I really hope they give her some purpose in season four, because right now she's just a filler character. It's rather annoying when multiple favorite characters are dying, and there she is, just singing once a season. She's pretty much just there to take care of Judith, which isn't needed because we have Carol for that. I have no clue why they're going to do with her, she died back on Hershel's farm in the comic book.
Judith
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA But for reals, her face is only shown like once in the show, so this will have to do.
Not much to say on her because she's a baby. BUT I am VERY excited that they let her live, so I can't see what they do with her! In the comic she was shot with Lori by the governor. It was very much a WTF type moment.
Hershel
I love Hershel, but his days are numbered. How long can an old man on crutches with one leg survive outside of the prison? Not very long is my guess. I have no idea what the show is going to do with him either, he died back on his farm with his son and daughter in the comic book. I love that he's stepped up into the circle of trust the group has going on, he's a wise old man so I was happy to see him get some screen time. I'm going to be sad to see him go, but it's coming. It's just a matter of when now.
Carol
I LOVE the bad ass that Carol has turned into! She is a COMPLETELY different person since losing her husband (good riddance!) and Sophia. I was so happy when she was found in that closet, although confused as to why she didn't try to leave when she realized the hoard was gone, when she was found she looked malnourished, wouldn't have happened if you went to find the group. Seeing as she didn't have any other injuries I really can't wrap my mind around it, but alas, that's television for you. They just needed her gone for a while so they could find her again. She's another person who didn't live in the comic book. (Surprisingly, Sophia DOES live in the comic books, talk about a HUH?! Moment in the show for me!) In the comic Carol just couldn't hang with the big boys and girls, an after a failed suicide attempt, feeds herself to a zombie! Comic book Carol was weak, and it makes my heart all sorts of happy that they made her a strong person in the show. I can't wait to see where she's headed!
Andrea
R.I.P. Andrea. Honestly, I've never been sure how I feel about her, both in the show and the comic book. I think Andrea is good people, however the zombie apocalypse isn't the place for good people. She wants so badly for everyone to be friends and work together that she chickened out of taking out the Governor when she had the chance. I hold her responsible for every person that died at his hand after that, she knew what she had to do and made the choice not to. That's on her. However, I was floored at how they killed her. ALTHOUGH if she wouldn't have stopped to talk to Milton every few seconds, and had, oh I don't know, multitasked, she would have gotten free in time. I think overall she was a bad ass though, and regardless of the fact that by the end of the season she annoyed the crap out of me, it's going to be a different show without her. I was also very surprised that they killed her, because in the comic (which is roughly a year ahead of the show) not only is Andrea very much alive, but she's a major character! She's a VERY different person in the comic book, she's jaded, a complete and utter bad ass, and does not take crap from ANYONE. But, she's not a very likable character. I've just never connected with her I guess. Oh well, moving on.
Milton
Wow. Wow. That is not at all how he died in the comic, (basic zombie food) just wow. I didn't really like Milton. I wanted to, but I didn't. Like I said, end of the world is no place for good people, and he was great people. He wanted so bad to figure out what was going on, how to stop it, and that man never had a chance. He was in Woodberry pretty much from the beginning and had no concept of how dangerous they truly were. Regardless of how much I don't like him, he did NOT deserve to go out like that. I respect him for not taking out Andrea to save himself, but he could have been a little more helpful than "Get it yourself" when it came to freeing her. He knew he was going to turn, he should have crawled his nerdy butt over to Andrea and at least handed her the pliers. There was like ten feet to cover, he could have made it.
Merle
I have loved this man from the start. I know whaaat?! I love to hate him, love to love him, just overall love for this man. (plus the actor is HILARIOUS) When he left in season one I was so bummed, and I did a happy dance when he came back. (I KNEW it was just a matter of time) Although he was the "good bad guy" I think he completely redeemed himself in the end. As soon as my husband and I put two and two together, and realized what was going on, we both started screaming at the TV encouraging him. (I really don't think any of you grasp the level of dedication I have to this show. When I say screaming, I mean SCREAMING.) He went out like a BEAST. I was so upset when the Governor found him, I honestly thought they'd let him have a little bit of a happy ending, but no can do. Stupid writers. He wasn't in the comic at all so no comparisons on this one. Sorry.
The Governor
He is a character that you love, love, love, to absolutely hate. He is SOOOOO much worse in the comic (Remember Maggie's near rape? Michonne was nowhere ear as lucky, VERY sick man.) to the extent where half of the stuff he does, would not be allowed to be shown on TV. It's horrible. We're talking about the show though, so back on topic! By the time we met him the power of being "governor" had gone to his head. You figure out pretty quickly that he is bad, bad people. However, the loss of Penny took that last little bit of humanity he had away from him. After that he's just completely gone. You don't let someone turn, that's the unwritten law of zombie world, and letting Merle turn was a huge eye opener of just how far gone he truly is. When he killed Milton I just stared at the TV, not only did he let him turn, but then left him there to kill Andrea for him?! Whaaaa???? And then, you see him snap and mow down his own people. Martinez and the other dude (shows how important of characters they were, oops.) getting into the truck afterwards cracked me up though. The look they shared of "What the actual crap just happened?" was amazing. I'm curious as to what they're doing with him now. In the comic they only visit the prison once, and the Governor died pretty soon after getting there. I wonder if they're going to bring him back, or if he just ran off with his tail tucked between his legs. Either way, he needs to be gone in order for the show to keep going.
Michonne
This girl is the ultimate bad ass. She's also funny as hell. There's not really much more to say about her, she started out bad ass, she's only gotten more bad ass as the season progressed, and if things keep going with the same baseline as the comics, she will only evolve into ultimate overlord of bad ass. I love this woman. I want to be her. I like that she's being accepted into the group finally. She's no longer an outsider to Rick, she's family. That makes me happy.
Rick
OH EM GEE. "I think my dads gone craaaazy." Seven cool points if you know the song. Anyways what the eff happened to Rick this season?! We ended season two with the declaration of the new Ricktatorship and then he lost it. You could see him falling apart before Lori died, and then once she did, homeboy lost his marbles something fierce! Answering phones that aren't hooked up, seeing her around, making stupid decisions like "Let's give the Governor Michone!" (He came to his senses, but come on!) Dude is nuts now. He goes just as crazy in the comic, and I'm hoping it follows suit and he gets a little less psycho as the series progresses. The only real character development from him this season has been steadily losing his mind. I don't know what he was thinking bringing the people from Woodberry into the prison. Not only is that more mouths to feed, but those that got left behind were the ones that couldn't fight. Kids, old people, sick people. Way to bring in a bunch of dead weight bro, there's no way that could bite you in the ass. I'd be worried one of the old people would die in their sleep and turn. No thank you. That did NOT happen in the comic, so I am completely lost as to where the show is going from here.
Maggie
I couldn't find a funny picture of her that I liked, so I went with bad ass instead.
I have a big ol' fat lesbian lover crush on Maggie. She is sexy as hell, and has turned into super bad ass. There is not a thing about her that I don't love. She's involved in the fighting, helps with the baby, and just overall kicks ass. I am SO excited about her and Glen getting married, and even more excited about things I know are coming according to the comic book. I like her character much better in the show than in the comic book. She's kind of a cry baby in the comic, so I love to see that all of the weak female characters in comic have either died, or the show turned them into STRONG female characters. I don't really have much else to say on her other than I love her, and would probably leave my husband for her. Sorry love!
Glenn
Oh Glenn. I heart Glenn. He's so sweet and cute, with a mix of bad ass thrown in as the series progresses. I love how he's gone from the errand boy to someone who actually kind of has a say in the group. He's not quite up there with the three amigos, but he's respected an his views are listened to sometimes. I can't get over how cute him and Maggie are, and I'm excited to see where they take his character in the show. He's pretty much the same person in the comic which surprised me because they've changed everyone else so much! We'll see!
And last but DEFINITELY not least, anyone who owns a vagina's favorite:
Daryl Dixon
*SWOON*
Who doesn't love a bad boy with a heart of gold? I'm SO happy with the person he became once his brother was gone. He completely changed, and all for the better. Did anyone else's ovaries explode when he held Judith for the first time? Mine sure did. That man is pure sex appeal, and but a baby in his arms? Where is my drool cup? He's not in the comic so I go into every episode terrified that THIS is the episode that they end him. According to an interview with him, he always flips to the back of the script when he gets it to make sure of that too. (They are SUPER secretive about the scripts, the actors don't get them until they show up to start shooting! No leaks from their end.) I could ramble on and on about him, but my brain is pretty fried at the moment so I'll leave you with this picture instead. NOM NOM NOM.
Where I see the show going
I have NO clue. I had a general idea, or I thought I did, until the last two minutes of the season. Rick bringing the Woodberry rejects (I know, I'm a horrible person) into the prison was not something I saw coming at all. I don't know what that's going to do to the group dynamic or the show itself. I see them leaving the prison, I'm not sure where they'll go anymore, but in order for the show to progress at all, they're going to have to leave. Now it's just a matter of when, and who's going to be going with them. I see Tyrese and Sasha going for sure, especially because Tyrese is a main character in the comics FROM THE VERY START. I was wondering when he would show up.
The Comics
I read all of the comics on youtube. I KNOW RIGHT? Crazy. Some wonderful people scan them and upload them for the rest of us to read. Beautiful, beautiful souls. If you're interested in reading them here's what I suggest you do. Click on the video, full screen it, set it to the highest quality which is 1080 pixels, and pause it. Wait for the video to load and then just jump through the video from page to page. They normally have it timed out pretty well, but not everyone reads at the same speed so I find it easier to just do it myself. I hope you enjoy them! If you decide to read them PLEASE let me know and shoot me a message, we'll discuss it! I love having new people to talk to about them, especially because most people don't seem to care to read them.
This post was brought to you by the words love (used 22 times) and bad ass (used 12 times). I realize they were used a lot, but frankly, no other words work for the level of obsession and frankly bad assness (13!) in this series.
Note: This post took for freaking ever. FOR FREAKING EVER. I wrote it on my phone, it hated me and didn't want to post, then my internet messed up, and pictures didn't want to post, and the only thing that kept me from saying screw it and quitting was the pure dedication to this show. I would LOVE (23) to hear your views on the show! Comment them or message me or something. Is there anyone else out there as obsessed as I am?
Mini rant before I post this: I don't know when the next time I'll actually be able to sit down and think of something to write before next Tuesday will be. I'm hoping I'll get the chance, but my work just screwed me over by rearranging my schedule and I won't really have time to breathe let alone sit down and write. I went from working four days a week, to five, including working the weekends now because the worst employee we have (I have never heard ANYONE say ANYTHING good about her) doesn't want to work weekends anymore so they're bending over backwards and f'ing me over in the process to keep her happy. Which is ridiculous considering her last day is the 5th of May anyways. They said once she's gone things will get better, except they haven't hired anyone so I'm not seeing that happening. I know in today's economy I should be thankful for the extra hours they're forcing on me, but I was hired for (and happy with) 20 hours a week, so it annoys the crap out of me when they schedule me for more than that without even discussing it with me. I would really love to see my husband at some point, but between babysitting and working the only time we have to spend together is in the car while I'm dropping him off. It's getting old really quick, and starting to piss me off.
But on a more positive note I decided that I was going to keep track of all of the random thoughts that go through my head on a weekly basis. As you can see towards the end I got busy and failed updating, but you'll get the jist of it. Will you still love me when you realize the extent of my cray cray? No? Oh well, here we go anyways!
Day one:
Where are all of my tweezers?! I've bought FIVE since we moved here! WHERE DID THEY ALL RUN OFF TOO?!
I think my dog is high. Who keeps giving him meth? That's not good for people, I can't imagine that it's good for dogs.
I'm pretty sure my husband actually hates me, what else explains the snoring?!
WHY CAN I HEAR YOU OVER MY EARPLUGS?! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.
I am going to smother you with your own pillow. I'm 78% sure I've seen enough criminal TV shows to get away with it.
I LEFT THE ROOM FOR FIVE MINUTES! Was it really necessary for you to roll yourself up into a tight, loudly snoring burrito?
You sound like a goat when you snore, stop it. (Clearly, he's being EXTRA loud tonight. I could hear him over me peeing, through a closed door, WITH earplugs in.)
Do they sell earplugs to drown out the sound of jet engines? Like standing directly next to them and can't hear anything? I think those may kinda block him out a bit.
Day two:
Driving during break up (when the million feet of snow finally decides to start melting) is a lot like playing a really extreme version of Mario Kart where the world is trying to kill you with ice and potholes instead of bananas and turtle shells.
Holy hell old man, do you really need 20 bottles of wine?
Uhm, I'm new guys, why would you leave me in the store completely alone? I'm going to break AAFES.
Seriously, who keeps giving my dogs meth?!
Oh look, muddy paw prints on the floor. I'm not sure how I feel about this. On one hand, I reeeaaaaally don't want to mop, but on the other, that means that the snow is melting enough for the dirt to come back! GO AWAY WINTER I HATE YOU. I could have cooked an entire baby in my uterus since you showed up. LEAVE.
Kirby: $2,500
Replacement cord after your dog eats it after ONE use: $27
Realizing your vacuum works better than a broom, and you never have to sweep again: Mother effing priceless.
Why thank you brand spankin' new razor for cutting up my legs for no freaking reason. How did you know that I wanted my shower to look like the Texas freaking chainsaw massacre happened in my shower.
I'm lying in bed and my husband isn't snoring! But my leg itches, and he's like a very skiddish animal when he's sleeping. One false move and he attacks.
Oh great, my husband has started beating me in his sleep again. Super.
Dear whoever texted my husband at 1:30 in the morning causing him to wake up juuuuust enough to go back to snoring,
I don't know who you are, but I will find you, and beat you to death with my pillow.
Day three:
Dropped the husband off at work and saw a soldier in his car going hard on his air guitar, I invited myself into his band and played the air drums right along with him. I was much better than him, come at me bro.
I don't know who complained about the music playing at work, but I hope they get crabs, and herpes. A dead quiet store makes the day take FOREVER. I hate you person, so so much.
Whoever invented the automated paper towel dispenser deserves to be kicked in the shin. "Here's a small piece of paper towel that's barely enough to dry your pinky finger. Oh you want more? Do an African fertility dance for forty seconds and I MAY spit out a little more, but probably not. You may as well just use your jeans or drip dry baby, cause I'm not giving you anymore of my papery goodness!"
Kid I'm babysitting just pulled out Space Jam, just had a flashback to little 10 year old me. That was quickly followed by a horrific flashback of a bug flying into my mouth and me swallowing it whole. Not sure the connection there, but that was traumatic.
Kid I'm babysitting is being annoying as crap today. Would it be wrong of me to tell her we're going to play hide and seek, and then not go find her?
I'm 98% sure my husband is peeing in the grate in the basement. How else could he be drinking and gaming for the past six hours and not have come upstairs to piss once?
I came upstairs and my dog pissed in the kitchen. I found her hiding in her kennel. I've never had an animal punish itself before. Wonder if I can train my future small humans to do the same...
My husband has informed me he would like to adopt an Asian child. I want to adopt a ginger. Is there such thing as ginger Asians? That would be amazing.
Day four:
My husband slept for three hours last night before he returned to gaming. I woke up three hours after we went to bed and he was gone. He then tried to tell me he didn't get out of bed until 8. Uhm, I was awake at five you liar. I'm pretty sure that if he's home and not connected to his computer he feels like he's going to die. I'd love to take a baseball bat to it. Multiple times.
I am so bored I'm about to go pick up dog crap in the backyard. This is a new low.
Of course I'd choose to do this on the one day all week where it's cold enough for the ground to stay frozen instead of melting. I am not wrestling the ground over a piece of dog poop. It can keep it.
I think of my dogs as siblings, but I think Shadow thinks Pepper is his girlfriend by how many times that neutered dude tries to seduce her. You have no balls man, where is the enjoyment in this?
I should fold laundry... Or I could pretend its not there... Yeah... That sounds like a better plan.
I'm going to be teaching the kid I babysit how to build a house of cards tonight. I think we'll have her Barbie be Godzilla afterwards to knock it all down. EXCITED.
Day Five:
If you take a baseball bat to Kyle's computer he will divorce you Becca. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it.
