#OnceYouGoBlack

I know it's been a while since I last posted, Melissa has made sure to bitch about it loudly multiple times. I've been back in Iowa for about three weeks now and I have to tell you, I'm much happier than I have been in quite some time. I've been hanging out and catching up with two of my four best friends and it has been amazing. I missed them a lot and the weird little things we used to do. I went with Little B to her farm and on the way back we listened to all the music we used to jam out to when we first started hanging out, it was quite the flashback to the 2000's. And hanging out with Eric again led to my favorite game of connect the freckles... he told me I wasn't done when I had no more freckles to connect so I doodled instead. He's 6'7 so he's got a huge back haha.

In the past three weeks I managed to be "gifted" a car. He's an explorer and I named him Diego. I also got hired at a place working with high risk kids and it's overnight so that's pretty awesome because I am a night owl. Little B and I are going to be moving in together when a two bedroom opens up in her complex in April, and other than that it's just been a lot of running around and hanging out with my friends. Christmas was the first in five years with my family and it was great. I got cash and socks and protein bars and I was very excited about all of these. With my cash I bought a pair of sweat pants, a hoodie, and some vinyl and I did this thing with my stepmom's cameo.

I'm down to 260 now which puts my loss at 44 lbs in two months which is pretty freaking exciting if you ask me. I have not been working out or really eating how I should be the past week or so cause holiday's but I'm working on getting back on track. My siblings got the new Just Dance game for Christmas so I think I'm going to start doing that once the living room is cleared of all the Christmas crap. I haven't measured or really taken a comparison picture in a week but this is the last one I did.

I'm too lazy to take my measurements right now and kinda just wanted to get this post out of the way so Melissa will stop with the spongebob memes on my Facebook, but I'll be back at some point with a post that focuses more on the surgery and includes the stuff I'm not posting about now. Until then, he's a selfie I took that I look tiny in compared to my normal crap. I need to get myself some black hair dye and fix my hair cause I darkened the picture a bit and forgot how awesome I look with black. #YouKnowWhatTheySay

I Have Very Little To Post About.

Since the last time I posted I have finished all ten seasons of Friends, two seasons of Jericho, and read a book and a half. I know, you're all jealous of how fancy and thrilling my life is. I don't know how I survive with all the excitement.

Want to know what is exciting? I'm back in Iowa in FOUR DAYS. HELL YEAH. I have almost everything packed, I just need to go around the house and pack up the random shit I've acquired over the years that I don't want to get rid of. Other than that all I need to do is give my beautiful Tempest girl to the family that is going to keep her and get on my plane. It's pretty exciting. The dude from womp womp womp is still picking me up from the airport because regardless of all the bullshit he put me through he's still one of my best friends and I miss his face. Once I get to Iowa... I have no idea what I'm going to do honestly. My old job doesn't seem to be hiring and I really don't want to work retail again so we'll see what happens.

This is too short of a post so have a selfie I took today.

And now for those of you following along with the whole surgery thing.

Eating and drinking are hard. I'm pretty much always tired and I know I'm not getting in nearly enough of anything. I have to start pushing myself to get what I'm supposed to in daily because I'm only making my goal every couple of days. It's been difficult, but I am SO happy with my results so far and I can not wait to see what happens when I start adding working out too. I'm starting to introduce real food again and I think I'm almost at the point where other than breads, pastas, salad, and citrus that I can start eating regular meals with people again here soon. Mind you my new normal is like four to six bites, but still! I'm excited for my first meal with my family, my stepmom is good at food, and while I'm NOT good at eating anymore I'll enjoy the hell out of those four bites. Nom. 

So that's really it for now, once again thank Melissa. I promised her I'd post before I moved back to Iowa so I'm doing that thing now. You're welcome my dear. Now leave me alone for a week or two haha. 

If You Wanna Be My Lover, You Better Stay The Hell Away From My Friends.

With everything going on and changing in my life I have made the decision to actively avoid a relationship for a year. My goal is to stay single and focus on work and working out. My life will be about getting out of debt, getting into shape, and building a loving relationship with myself. The last two men I've been interested in (near miss man and the husband) have had a huge share of issues that they need to work out on their own. Both of them have also shown me how I do and don't want to be treated in a relationship, and things that are and aren't worth fighting for. Because of this I've come up with a small list that whoever I date next must meet to be able to move forward in the whole dating thing. They're all pretty serious to me which means I'll be single for the rest of my days. Ready? These are in no particular order.

1) Must be okay with the fact that at some point in my life I fully intend on having a pet pig.
2) Must have hobbies other than video games.
3) Must not have addiction issues.
4) Must be willing to build a blanket fort with me to hide in after a really bad day.
5) Must not be crazy. I'm crazy enough for this relationship thank you
6) Must love themselves. I have enough saving myself to do, I don't need to be responsible for saving someone else too.
7) Must not come with baby momma drama. I'm fine with having kids, but if they can't have a working joint parenting relationship I don't need to get involved.
8) Must be okay with the fact that I sometimes feel the need to sing Disney songs on the top of my lungs and bonus points if they join in.
9) Must be capable of cleaning up after themselves.
10) MUST want a partner, not a parent.
11) Must want an active sex life with just me.
12) Must be okay with me dragging them to every new Disney/Pixar movie to come out.
13) Must want children at some point.
14) Must make me smile.
15) Must treat me as well as I treat them.
16) Must want to spend time with me, as well as time on their own with their friends.
17) Must be responsible with their money.
18) Must be a fully functioning adult.
19) Must build me up instead of tear me down.
20) Must get my mom and best friends approvals.


There's a lot more of them, but these are my official musts. Bonus would be ginger, tall, and tattoo'd but I'm willing to let that one go for the right dude. Maybe someday I'll find someone that meets my criteria, but until then I'm 25 years old and have a lot of shit to accomplish on my own and I can't allow anyone to bring me down with them.

Womp Womp Womp

Welp, things fell through with my dude back home. He has a lot of issues and neither of us are ready for a real relationship so it's going nowhere with that. He's looking for someone to save him and I have to save myself first. I'm pretty heartbroken because he's been my what if guy for almost a decade now, but it's life and life is pain sometimes. Which unfortunately means that I'll be moving back in with my dad, stepmom, and my two youngest siblings. I love my family but my sister drives me nuts so this should be tons of fun. I fly home in 15 days now and although my entire plan has once against changed I am so beyond ready to keep on keeping on and start new. My plan at this point is to play everything by ear until I'm competent enough at pretending I know how to adult on my own. I plan on trying to get my old job back but I'm not sure how that's going to work with the time of year I'm going back. First priority is to find a job and get a car. I'm going to be pretty broke for a while because I fully intend to spend the majority of my paychecks on debt payments and healthy shit for the house. I'm also going to start working out on my own, my dad has an exercise bike, a treadmill, and an elliptical in their basement that I plan on utilizing. Once I'm down a little more I'll figure out how to incorporate lifting to try to start firming up my skin. But right now I need to focus on me so I fully intend on being single for a hot minute. I have however started to come up with a short list of questions to help weed out potentials when it comes time to start trying to do that again. I'll post that in a few days once I've had a bit of time to perfect it more. Every question is very serious and I intend to stick to my list.

That's it for now, my life is boring. I'm down 21 pounds and almost half the series of Friends so I'm achieving big things.

K bye.

 

If It Wasn't For Melissa, I Probably Wouldn't Blog.

I haven't really had much to write about this past week because all I've done is watch a LOT of Netflix. I'm trying to pick up some babysitting shifts so I can have some take home money when it comes time to leave the state in NINETEEN DAYS. The closer I get to leaving the more I start freaking out about it. I know in my heart of hearts that this is exactly what I need to do, and that it's what I want to do. My marriage has been over for basically two years now and I'm not interested in trying to fix it but knowing that I'm actually really close to being done dealing with all of the shit that it's brought with it is scary in a really freeing way. I'm going to have to struggle to figure out how any of this is going to work starting all over again, but I've always figured everything out before. I'm just nervous, but I'm ready.

Other than the occasional mini freak out my life is back to being super boring for the time being. I promised a picture update though so here we go.

That hoodie is a XL by the way. That's ONE X. Hells yeah.

I haven't really been in the mood to blog lately so sorry this one sucks, Melissa started becoming obnoxious again though so I figured it was time for another post.

I Watch Food Porn and I'm Only Kind of Ashamed About It

I think we've all established by now that when it comes to posting things I'm a liar. "I'll be back tomorrow" "This funny thing happened and I'll tell you about it next time" "I'm going to start posting regularly again." I think by now we've all learned that I'm going to post whenever my heart fancies and anyone who reads is just going to have to suck it up and deal with it. I'll be back, I always am. I say this because obviously I didn't post my update on Monday. You'll get it today so don't you worry your pretty little heads but Monday was a busy day of psych appointments, getting my drain pulled, and some other fun stuff. Before I get to the weight loss portion I have a few minor life updates to provide.

1) As I said I got my drain pulled. Those of you who have never had a drain before consider yourselves lucky because it's a pain in the ass all around. I was so paranoid I was going to accidentally pull it out the entire time I had it in. I was so careful with it, it was sore, showering was done sitting down because I didn't really have a place to put it while standing and using both hands, and my dogs didn't understand why they weren't allowed to cuddle. I went in to get it pulled on Monday and the nurse had my sit back on the nifty doctors table. "Are you ready?" she asked "Not at all" was my answer but she did it anyways and holy fuck. That was not a fun feeling. It cramped and just felt weird. Once I got a look at the amount of tubing that was hidden away inside of me I was kind of mad at myself for being so freaked out that it was going to come out, because there's no way that would have happened.

2) I'm moving back to Iowa a lot sooner than expected. As I said a few posts ago I can finally talk about the fact that I'm getting a divorce. The original plan was to wait until May to go home when the Army shipped us back for his ETS. It seemed cheaper, easier, and we'd just live as roommates like we have been since May. That plan has drastically changed. Kyle went home from leave in October and since he's been back things have been pretty tense between us. He got a new girlfriend while he was back visiting his parents and it sucks listening to him talk to her all the time. I don't think that it's jealousy considering I have some pretty exciting stuff going on in my own romantic life that will be expanded on in a month or so, but I'm really happy with where life is taking me in that direction. I think it's just annoying to hear him talk to this chick and be like that's not at all who or how you are bro what the hell. When I got my surgery he spent maybe 30 minutes total the four days I was admitted at the hospital with me and it was pretty much my breaking point. I started thinking about going home in January and then as time has passed I wanted to go home sooner than that. Long story short after a particularly bad night my mother bought me a plane ticket home as a Christmas present and I'll be moving back to Iowa on December 7th. I am beyond excited about this and it makes me feel so much better knowing that I have an end day in sight and it's 26 days away.

3) Because of this I quit my job at Walmart. I feel bad seeing as it's the holidays and I've only worked there for three weeks before taking time off for my surgery, but I wasn't going to get cleared to do the heavy lifting needed for the holiday work and I'm having a tough time getting my fluids in as is so trying to do it while having to run around all day wasn't going to happen. I'm picking up some babysitting shifts between now and then to try to put a little cash away for when I get back home until I'm able to find another job. I'm going to be moving in with my romantic interest (which once you get more of the back story you'll realize isn't totally crazy or moving super fast) and he's going to be taking care of all of the bills and jazz until I'm able to start contributing. I had to fight to be able to contribute once I could because well, this man is amazing. We have a long history and he never fails to make me laugh or smile.

Seriously. Swoon.

Now on to the weight loss part. I haven't really seen the scale move since Monday but I've lost a few inches and I'm definitely seeing a difference! It hasn't been easy. I find myself watching the Tasty and Buzzfeed food videos while my mouth actually fills with drool, and longing for the day when I can take a bite and chew something. I know I'll get to the point again when I can take a bit of food instead of sip it, but that day is not today. I'm having an issue getting all of my protein in because I hate the protein drink that I got, but tomorrow is payday and I'll be going to GNC to find something new when Kyle gets off work. Hopefully I'll be able to find something that tastes better and I won't have such a hard time getting it down. Other than that it's been a lot of sugar free pudding, strained soups, and water. I get cleared to go onto the purred foods next week and I have never been so excited in my entire life for a scrambled egg or mashed potatoes. Anyways, I know you're all dying to see the stats by now so *drum roll please*

I am already seeing a difference! I wasn't at first and was getting a little bummed that I've hit my first stall and then I was getting water from the kitchen and Kyle looked at me and said he could tell I was getting thinner, so obviously I made him take a picture of me so I could do a side by side. I gotta say, I'm pretty pleased. I then measured myself and saw that although I wasn't losing weight I WAS losing inches so woooo.

I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I'll be back on a certain day, but I will be back to update in a week or so. Maybe something will have happened before then to make me post, but we'll see about that. As always I suck at endings and all so....

Let's Talk About My Vagina.

As you should know by now I have very little shame and I'll write about anything that strikes my fancy here. Today I'm going to talk about my vagina, you may remember that I've done this once before and a lot of you seemed to enjoy the topic so here we are again. At one of my many pre-op appointments my surgeon told me that he wanted me on birth control before I got the sleeve done. It is a HUGE no no to get pregnant in the first 12-18 months after surgery. Your body is still recovering from "What in the actual fuck did you just do to me?" and trying to get used to the new way you have to eat and it's just not healthy. My body is basically in starvation mode at the moment and there's no way that it would be able to handle a healthy pregnancy for me or any demon spawn that found its way inside of me. My surgeon didn't know until after my surgery that Kyle and I are getting divorced because I wasn't about to let it slip that I didn't really have that great of a support system here in Alaska and jeopardize accomplishing this goal. I told him I'd make an appointment with my PCM and I'd get it done. I decided on the IUD because that's five years of birth control that can be taken out and hell yeah what a good deal. I made my first appointment and got screened to make sure that there were no babies or STD's and praise the flying spaghetti monster aint nothing wrong with my lady bits. They made another appointment for the Friday before surgery to actually have it inserted and off I went. The nurse told me that I would feel a pinch and would probably bleed, so I went in feeling like I was about to lose my virginity all over again.

The day arrives and I'm off to my appointment to allow some strange man I've never met to place a piece of plastic in my vajay. Nothing awkward about that at all right? I get called back and three people walk into the room. A doctor, an EXTREMELY GORGEOUS male nurse, and a female chaperon. Hilarity happened. When I'm uncomfortable I crack jokes and I'm 1000% times funnier than I normally am. Want to really laugh catch me feeling awkward.

So the lady lady asks me what I chose to get the Mireana instead of another option.

Lady: Any reason you chose this method of birth control?
Me: My husband ETS's in May and I want birth control that outlasts my insurance.
Lady: Smart woman!

The doctor starts explaining the procedure to me and is discussing how they have to shove these mid-evil devices up my cervix to make a big enough opening to insert the IUD.

Doctor: Imagine the cervix as a donut.
Me: You just made donuts very unappealing.

He finishes explaining what's going on and at this point I'm like ya know, I'm not having sex with my ex so maybe this isn't needed cause this sounds like it's about to be a boat load of suck.

Doctor: Okay so what I'm going to need for you to do now is to sign this paper saying I've explained everything to you and I need you to verbally tell me your name, birthday, sponsors last four, and the reason you're here today.
Me: *Name birthday last four* and I believe I'm about to have my vagina assaulted.
Doctor: *Laughs hysterically*

The process begins and at first it just feels awkward. I've got male nurse and male doctor getting a front row view to my vag and lady is up by head. I let them know this is absolutely the most people that have been exposed to my lady bits at once and everyone laughs, which when you have gynecological tools and a finger inside of you is actually not a pleasant experience feels wise. Miss lady is doing her best to keep me preoccupied and then it gets to the painful part. The worst cramps I've ever had didn't even come close to the pain that I felt. It was absolutely awful. I announced to the room that I couldn't even handle having my cervix dilated two centimeters and I would be taking all of the drugs whenever childbirth came around.

Doctor: I know it hurts, but remember you wanted this. It's a good thing.
Male Nurse: Plus we have a signed piece of paper stating you gave us permission to do this to you.
Me: YOU SIR HAVE A PENIS AND ARE NOT ALLOWED AN OPINION AT THIS TIME.

He was nice enough to look chastised after and I appreciated that. The torture session is finally over and the male nurse realizes there isn't any wipes in the room so he leaves to go grab some. He knocks on the door before entering to hand them to the doctor.

Me: No don't come in I'm not decent!
Lady: It's just the same nurse from a minute ago, he's dropping off the wipes.
Me: I know. I was kidding, he just spent 20 minutes staring at my nether regions I'm pretty sure we've got a special bond going now.
Lady: Oh so you guys are tight now huh?
Me: Yup, just like a vagina is supposed to be.
Doctor: *snorts*

They all left me to be and I got dressed and started to head out. As I'm walking down the hallways the lady is standing at the nurses station eating a snickers bar.

Lady: You have a great rest of your day! Take it easy! Do you want a piece of candy before you go?
Me: Fuck yes I do. I just had three people with their faces in my vacooter for 20 minutes and didn't experience a lick of pleasure, may as well get something good out of it.

They're gonna remember me forever.

Five Days Ten Pounds

I plan on updating this awesome little picture every Monday with the new stats. I just found my measuring tape so I was able to take measurements and I wanted to go ahead and get them done before I started the Monday thing. This is going to be all that I'm writing at the moment but I'll be back on Monday to explain how I almost got fired, what it's like having to drink your food for two weeks, and the such. See you in a couple days.

Wanna See My Stomach?

Four days after willingly allowing a surgeon to cut into my stomach and I am finally home. Let me tell ya, this is both harder and easier than I thought that it would be. I'm not in quite as much pain as I thought that I would be, which is saying something considering I have six incisions and a drain hanging out of me still. It's super sexy. I'm bruised to all hell and have so many needle marks from shots and blood draws that I look like a tweaker who has absolutely no idea what it is I'm doing. I was kept two days longer than expected because I was having issues getting my fluids in, but I'm doing a pretty good job at that now.

My surgeon wants me drinking 15-30 ml every 15 minutes while I'm awake so I have to drink a medicine cup worth of fluids at the very least every 30 minutes. It's pretty hard to do sometimes and frankly it does hurt to swallow. I have a bigger esophagus than stomach so when I drink things it's acting like a funnel and sometimes the stuff gets stuck. Which is the least awesome feeling. I've got bruises for days and getting in and out of bed is pretty much awful. Right now I'm mainly focusing on getting my liquids and protein in. I'm allowed protein drinks, water, diluted juice, jello, sugar free pudding, and broth. I never thought I'd be so excited for broth but yesterday I was given some strained vegetable soup and it was AMAZING. I couldn't take more than a few small "bites" but it was amazing none the less.  Nom. Are you ready for some gross pictures? If you're not you should really go ahead and leave now because my surgeon was awesome and gave me a picture of the stomach they pulled out of me. Ready? READY? GOOD.

They pulled the stomach out of the top big incision that you see in the second picture. My stomach is SUPER sore.

In the past three and a half days I've gone from 304 to 302.2 which is awesome. 2.8 lbs in two days. I'm excited to see how much I'll lose.

I can finally say the other news I've been keeping to myself as well. Kyle and I are getting a divorce. The whole trying to work it out between us thing did not work. We both agreed that I'd get my surgery and he'd finish his contract before we started paperwork for the divorce, but we've known since June that we were getting a divorce. He called me and told me he wanted a divorce when I was back visiting family and I saw it coming but it still sucks a little bit. I'm absolutely fine with it and I'll have some more news on that front to update in a few days. I'm also going to write a post about getting the IUD which was awesome... not. I don't have a lot of things going on the next few weeks so you'll see me around here a little more often. 

And on that note, I'm out. 

T minus 18 days!

This post only has one point and one point only. After almost eleven months of hoops, tests, retests, multiple appointments, two different surgeons and a partridge in a pear tree.... I HAVE A SURGERY DATE! I will be getting my sleeve surgery on November 2nd. I am so filled with emotions right now. I'm excited, and scared, and happy, and nervous, and just... wow. I can't believe that after so much waiting in 18 days I'm going to have a life changing surgery.

That's the entire post right there, I don't have anything else to write about right now I'm just really excited and couldn't wait to share it!

You're a Security Guard not a Cop

The last time I posted I was getting ready to start Orientation at Walmart. I did that thing and I'm bored to tears already. There's only so many videos you can watch before you can physically feel your brain turning to mush. The first day we had a transgender woman in our class who had worked there before. She just needed to fill out paperwork but the systems were acting up so it took four hours to put six people into the system. This woman talked for four hours straight about how she lived in Argentina for three months when she got her sex change, and how much she loved Argentina, and all about her sisters dead husband and how her nieces love her, and blah blah blah. Four hours straight, anytime someone tried to change the subject off of her she'd swing it right on back. It was annoying and by the time her paperwork was in and she was freed to go to the deli I was about two minutes away from beating her with a chair telling her to shut up. So the first day took FOREVER and then they had wanted me to come back on Saturday to finish up. When they mentioned Saturday you saw the collective groups faces fall and the trainer was like "Well maaaaaybe Monday works better."

Saturday night we had another party and things got a bit out of hand. Two soldiers almost got into a fight so after separating them I ended up calling CQ and telling them they needed to come and pick up the instigator. I was absolutely over it. By the end of the night I ended up going to bed pretty pissed and very sober. It was not a fun night.

I did steal Jake's California hat though, so that was cool. Gangstaaa.

Sunday I went home and brought Harris with me. I cooked him dinner and watched the season finale of Fear the Walking dead which HOLY CRAP. I then made Harris shut his mouth while I watched the season premiere of The Walking Dead. I was actually pretty disappointed in that one and it made me kinda sad. It was good, but not nearly as good as I was expecting.

Monday was back to orientation and it once again took forever. We had the head of Walmart security thing come in and talk to us and it took everything in me for my eyes not to be stuck in perpetual rolling this lady was so full of herself. She very seriously compared herself to a police officer, then said if we saw any of her asset protection team on the floor we were not allowed to talk to them by name because it could put their lives in danger. She also drives home a different way every night to make sure she's not being followed and compared Walmart policy to laws and the way that they reprimand people to the actual judicial system. As one of my friends said this lady needs to roll back on that power trip. After all that jazz happened I was sent out on the floor for an hour and went to my section. One of my coworkers was really excited to meet me and immediately drug me over to another male coworker and introduced me. She was giving him these weird looks while I said hi and then I went back to work. Dude then came up to me five minutes later and introduced himself again and shook my hand. She continued to give him weird looks and I went on my way of stocking things. I heard her around the corner telling another co-worker that she had a bet with the dude that she could find him a girlfriend which explains the weird looks she was giving him. K no thanks. I'm just here to work, don't make it weird. I went back after lunch and tried to work on the computer programs but the system went out again and I was sent home 30 minutes early.

I was supposed to go to work yesterday but before work I stopped into Ashley's house to say hi. I went to turn on my car when it was time to leave and the only thing that came on was the radio. I called and explained the situation and was rescheduled to come in today, so I have to go do that in two hours. I got my car jumped and it turns out the thing that holds my battery in place is all sorts of corroded so I have to replace that. I ended up running home and getting my dogs while leaving the car running so that I could get a ride to work today if need be. It doesn't seem to be needed at the moment because my car started this morning but hopefully it'll be an easy fix and I won't need worry about it dying on me again.

Tomorrow I have my appointment to hopefully get my surgery scheduled and I'm going to be so mad if I need to do more things before getting my surgery date. The closer I get the more I'm freaking out but I know this is something I need to do for me so I'm going to suck up the scared shitless portion and just do the thing.

That's about it at the moment, but it's been a couple days and I didn't want to get yelled at.

No You Can't Have My Dog.

Well it's that time again, I'm bringing you another blog post. Go me, I'm kind of sticking to that whole "I want to blog more often" thing. I've got a busy couple of days for myself coming up but I'm looking forward to most of it. Tomorrow I start orientation at Walmart so I have to prepare myself for a long and boring class about how to lift things and 401k's and the like. So much fun. But once I get off work at get back to Ashley's I'm going over to my old neighbors new place for some beer pong and a birthday party. I don't plan on staying super long because I don't want to drink and we're having a game night at Ashley's after that. I'm looking forward to that. We're going to play Quelf, Mario Kart, Guitar Hero, and my favorite Cards Against Humanity. I love getting to show what an awful person I really am inside. People end up judging me, but I laugh. Saturday night we're partying again so there will be beer pong and the such. I'll end up with more bruises and that'll be fun. And the Sunday I'm headed back to my apartment. Kyle's best friend is going to come over and I'm going to cook him whatever he wants for dinner. He lives in the barracks and hasn't been over for a while so he misses my cooking. I'm also watching The Walking Dead which is FINALLY back. I'm so freaking excited about that it's not even funny.

Because I feel like this blog post needs a picture I'm going to show you guys this. Every once in a while I feel like I haven't lost any weight on my own and then I see pictures like these and totally change my mind on that.

And now onto the blog prompt. Today's thing is my dream job. My absolute dream job would be to run an animal shelter. I love animals and can think of very little I'd love more than to spend my day surrounded by animals. Except I could never do it. You see, people would come to adopt a dog and I'd be like BACK UP OFF MY DOG NO YOU CAN NOT TAKE IT.

So that's a dream job that will stay a dream forever.

And that's the post for today. You're welcome Melissa.

An Autobiography

Lookie lookie here you beautiful souls you. I decided to get a jump on Melissa's complaining and put out another post. It's easier to take the five minutes to write something than listen to her bitching at me because IT'S BEEN FOREVER WRITE SOMETHING.

Today's prompt is the last random act of kindness I did. Minus the usual holding doors open for people I'd say the last random act I did was scrub down Ashley's kitchen at 2 am when I couldn't sleep. I did dishes, organized, moved things to wipe under them, etc. She woke up the next morning and told me that I wasn't allowed to leave because she loved me.

And that's all the post you're getting today because I don't really have anything else to say. I did the thing and wrote the post though. Gold star for me. I'm going to leave you with my current favorite thing on the internet, so much so that I made it my new Facebook cover.

I laughed so damn hard. That is all.

I Sold My Soul to Walmart and Other Life Updates

If any of you actually enjoy reading my blog you can thank Melissa for me continuing to do so. She's taken to taking a screen shot and posting it on my timeline once a day until I do a new one. So here's that. I have a few different sections of life to update on so you get an actual post today. Once again, thank Melissa.

-Surgery-

Let's talk about the surgery for a moment shall we? I had an appointment with the psychologist to make sure that the medication I'm on won't cause issues with my new stomach. He googled the medication in front of me, so that was comforting. Then I had another appointment with my surgeon and the only thing left to do was blow into a bag so they can check to see if I have that stomach bacteria thingy still. I have an appointment on the 15th to hopefully schedule my surgery. He said that I should be getting my surgery by the end of October or the start of November. It's terrifying but so, so exciting.

-Work-

I also got an interview for the job that I really wanted, and then didn't get it. My interview was on the day I was supposed to go in for my Walmart orientation so I didn't go. I got a call three days ago from Walmart saying they know that the weather has been crappy lately and I didn't show up for orientation so they were wondering if I was still interested in the job because they have another orientation happening on the 9th. So I still have a job, it's in the garden center of Walmart so I'm not super duper excited about it, but it's a job and we need the extra money so I'm good with it. Kyle gets out of the military in May and there are a LOT of changes coming with that so getting as much debt as humanly possibly paid off before then is imperative. I'll be splitting my check between three different debts and putting money in savings so we don't have to scramble to get money together to fly the dogs back home once he's out. I'm pretty happy about having a job again, while I will miss my Netflix time with winter coming it's pretty important to get out my house or I'll spin back into depressed Becca again.

-Other stuff-

In other news I'm living with my friends Ashley and Zach for the next week or so. Kyle went home to visit his dad for a few weeks and my house is super boring by myself so I have taken over their spare bedroom. It's been a lot of fun and we all get along pretty well. We had a party a few days ago and the group we party with has a lot of guys that seem to think picking on me is fun and we end up getting into slap wars. While I have fun at the time I regret them 100% of the time after. It's like a drunk version of fight club where I wake up covered in bruises the next day. This last party left me with three new bruises, one of my arm from a karate chop, one on my wrist from where it was grabbed when we got into another Bingo dobber war (I ended up being green after so it's safe to say I lost) and one on my chest that I have no idea how I got. My days pretty much consist of playing with two dogs, a toddler, watching Disney movies, and hanging out with Ashley. Once I start working I'll be headed back to my apartment because it's much closer to work than her house is but until then I'm having a good time playing house with them.

Now that that's all out of the way the blog challenge for today is to name movies that I've never gotten sick of watching. Most of them are Disney movies because I'm basically a child with a drinking permit.

Tangled is one of my favorite Disney movies at the moment, I love how Eugene is one of the only realistic Disney "princes" and the music in it makes me happy. The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, Frozen, and The Little Mermaid all make the list too. I also love Rent and Grease. Basically, if it's a musical I'll watch it all the time and never get sick of it. I'm only slightly ashamed to admit that I really dig Camp Rock 2 as well. The song Introducing Me is my jam. You can judge, it's okay.

That's about all for today, once I get my surgery I'll have more to write about because I'll be able to post updates more often and not just ramble about nothingness. I'll be able to announce the life changes going to happen in a few weeks too (I promise no babies if that's where your brain went) and I'll be able to speak on what the plans for the future are as well. I have a lot of things in the future coming up and it's going to make for an interesting next year to say the least. Anywhoozles.... End.

500 Jackpot Bonus

Today's prompty prompt has to do with my favorite childhood memory. I'm pretty sure I've posted about it before but I'm also pretty sure that I deleted it when I got rid of 34051983450198345 posts that weren't really important so I'll write about it again.

It's a relatively short story but it's a memory I look back on with nothing but purely happy memories. I was in first grade and I was supposed to go to a field trip. It was some nature hike thing and I was pretty excited. My mom was supposed to wake me up early and she forgot about the field trip so when I woke up I was devastated. My mom told me that she'd drive me to meet up with them and so off we went. About halfway there she gave me the option of meeting up with my class or going to the Family Fun Center with her. I chose the second. We went, played games, went on the bumper boats, and had a blast. On the very last token I put in a game and I won the jackpot of 500 tickets. I ended up getting a stuffed kitty with my tickets as a memento of my awesome day. It seems like a such a simple day, but it's my absolute favorite memory.

I Kinda Have A Job Now & Other Things That Make Me Happy

I missed a couple of days posting, but I didn't forget about you! Friday I got called in for two interviews and offered both jobs. One was at Jo Ann's for 8.75 an hour and it was MAYBE 15 hours a week. That's not worth it in the least bit. The second job is at Walmart for like 11.60 an hour, it's also part time but I should be getting about 20 hours a week minimum and that's much better pay and hours so I'm working on accepting that job at the moment. I was supposed to go in today to pick up the papers for my drug test, but after waiting for an hour to be told the people in HR didn't even know I was there and that it would take 45 minutes to put together the paper work I told them I'd call before I came and come back tomorrow. A'int nobody got time for that. I'm really hoping to get a call back from the Boys and Girls home though. That's where I REALLY want to work. It's a job in the field I'm interested in working with high risk children and teenagers, it's great pay, and full time hours. I've got my fingers crossed but until then I'm moving forward with Walmart. It feels a bit like selling my soul, but at this point money is money and I need money.

Now how about that? I had an actual life update to post, like I actually had a life for a bit. My goodness how things can change. Anyways today's prompt thingy is things that make me happy and a lot of things make me happy. So here we go, a list.

- Hugs
- Kisses
- Puppies
- Kittens
- Phish Food Ice Cream
- Disney Movies
- Vanilla Bean Fraps
- Disney Music
- My doggies in particular

- Car singing
- Blank Space by I Previal
- Music in general
- Beer pong
- Beer
- Dancing
- The Sims
- Car dancing
- Laughing
- Bad jokes
- Corny pick up lines
- Wearing mismatching socks
- Brightly colored shoes
- My Family
- Specifically Samantha
- Facebook
- Spinach Artichoke Dip
- Hair plays
- My friends

- Funny movies
- Musicals
- Stand up comedies
- Driving
- Cuddling
- Massages
- More hair plays
- Pigs
- Horses
- Pretty much all animals
- Salads
- Fruit
- Starburst
- Pickles
- Food in general
- Roller coasters
- When a selfie turns out good
- Colorful hair
- Money
- Love
- When plans don't fall through
- When plans that I'm not really feeling fall through
- And many more but I'm done with this post now.
- K bye.

Life Isn't About Quotes About Life

Okay then two blog posts in two days. HOW ABOUT THEM APPLES?! Today's prompt is my favorite quotes. I have a number of them so lets get to it. 

"Let go of the hatred that your harbor in your soul, I promise it won't kill you you are stronger than you know." -- A dude I met on Myspace YEARS ago wrote this and it spoke to me. I'm not sure why but I absolutely love it. 

"I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other. I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can't tell fast enough, the ears that aren't big enough, the eyes that can't take in all of the change. I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone." -- This is from Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close and frankly I just think it's beautiful and very, very true. 

"We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." --Obviously, I'm weird so I love this. Enough said. 

"Look! Look what we can do. Look how fuckin' beautiful we are. You think the men that built all this had it easy?" -- Boondock Saints 2 is an awesome movie and while the entire speech was pretty awesome, this line has stuck with me. Life is hard, it's never going to be easy. But it's also beautiful and it wouldn't be beautiful without being hard. 

"My superheroes don't leap tall building, wear capes, or stop bullets with one hand; They bruise and bleed, and their superpowers are loving and listening." -- This is Abby from NCIS and it's fantastic. It's the everyday people that are heroes. 

And that's that. Tune in tomorrow for the THIRD post in three days! Holla. 

#ThisIsMySexyFace

I bought a new computer finally so I plan on getting more into blogging again. I know I've said that before but I guess you're just going to have to trust me huh? There's a chance I'll let you down again, but that's a risk you're just going to have to take if you still happen to read anything I post here. Obviously once I have my surgery I'll have more things actually regarding my life to post about, but until then you'll get some random content. For the past week I've been staying with my new Alaska BFF Ashley. Our husband's are both in the field right now so the doggies and me have been staying here with her and her two year old son Wyatt. He's pretty much in love with my puppies and it's adorable.

I've been upgraded to Auntie Becca and I'm pretty stoked about that, although as you can see in the above picture I've lost all privileges of going to the bathroom alone. I met Ashley on Facebook when I first moved to Alaska but in usual anti-social Becca fashion I managed to put off meeting her until I got back from California. She's PCSing soon and breaking my heart by leaving. I accepted an invitation to a party and pretty much spend every weekend here with her now. We have a lot of fun and it makes Melissa all sorts of jelly.

And now that that's out of the way I've decided that I'll be doing another blogging challenge because well... my life is boring and the only way I'm going to write is to have prompts. I lost interest in the 30 days 30 letters thing pretty quickly but nobody said this was going to be a good blog so... I mean... deal with it. Once upon a time I wanted to be a big blogger, but I decided I don't care enough about this to put in all that work. I only have five of you that read and comment relatively regularly anyways. So this challenge is for you guys! (One of them is my mom, hi Mom!) So I stole a blogging challenge from another blog and I'm going to follow that now. 

So today is a picture of me and five random facts. I recently dyed my hair a deep purple and it looks kind of plum color. As much as I'd love to show you a picture of it it's not showing up in pictures so I can't. Therefore here's an older picture of me instead. 

#ThisIsMySexyFace 

And now for your five random facts of the day.

1. I skipped Kindergarten, was held back in first because I wasn't emotionally mature enough to be in second grade, and skipped sixth grade as well. I was a smart cookie, then the internet was invented and I wasted all of my time looking at ICanHasCheezeburgers and got dumb.
2. I still have a baby tooth, 25 years old and I'm holding onto my childhood tooth and nail. *ba dum tis*
3. When I can't think of a word or what somethings call I use filler sounds and charades. Grab me the *chert chert* *makes spray bottle movement* which obviously means I want the Febreeze. 
4. I think it would be a lot of fun to work in a sex shop. 
5. I have never seen the Star Wars trilogy. 

The end. 

Thwarted Again

I get that good things come to those who wait but sometimes I can't help but hate how long you have to wait for good things. I had my final nutrition appointment and I was cleared. She said she doesn't see anything wrong with me going through with it. I had my swallow study and let me tell you, the CIA should implement that as a new torture technique because holy hell that was AWFUL. It was like drinking pure chalk with a. Tiny bit of water. It was absolutely disgusting and I almost threw up as soon as the texture hit my mouth. I laid down in the little X-ray bed and they flipped me over s bunch of times and took pictures. I was told I have a mild case of reflux but it's not bad enough to be too much of a worry. I'll basically just be put on reflex medication and I'll be good. I went and got my blood work done and waited patiently for the end of the month to come around so that I could go in and schedule my appointment. Best laid plans and all that though. Apparently after my blood work came in they realized that I tested positive for some bacteria in my stomach that can cause stomach ulcers. The treatment for this is a two week course of antibiotics and then 4-6 weeks after that I have to go blow air into a balloon so they can send it off and test it for the bacteria. Because I tested positive for it in my blood work all blood work for the rest of my life will apparently test positive for it. This puts off my surgery a lot longer than I had anticipated it being. I have an appointment with psych on the 25th so they can get a baseline for my moods pre surgery to be able to make sure that my crazy pills are absorbing correctly post surgery. Then I have an appointment on the first of October to hopefully get the testing done for the bacteria again and schedule my surgery. The surgeon said he was hoping to have my surgery done by the end of October so fingers seriously crossed on this one.

I understand that this takes a while and that they're doing everything in their power to make sure that this surgery goes as smoothly as possible and I obviously appreciate it. I am however frustrated that they had my results a month ago and didn't start my antibiotics then. I could be scheduling my surgery this week but instead I'm stuck in the perpetual waiting game that is driving me insane. I'm ready to start moving forward with this part of my life and I've been stuck waiting for ten months come my next appointment. This was supposed to be a six month waiting period and things have been getting screwed up with miscommunications and switching through so many different surgeons due to deployments and leaves. I get it, and I'm happy I'm getting the care that's needed but hot damn I'm annoyed. 

Other than that life has been relatively boring. I'll have some news in the upcoming months but it's not something that I can make public for a bit longer. Big life changes are coming yo, and eventually I'll get back into the swing of positing more than once every few months. 

I Bet You've Been Wanting Another Update

My computer was killed by my dogs so I haven't posted in a while. I had my appointment with my surgeon today so I'm going to go ahead and give a little update. It's not going to be a super long post because I'm on my iPad and don't want like typing on this thing. The last time I posted I was freaking out about the psych evaluation. I freaked out for nothing, the appointment went super smooth and although we did talk about my mental health history for the most part he just wanted to make sure that I understood what the surgery was going to do and that I have a good support system. At the end of the appointment he shook my hand and told me that he was going to recommend me for surgery so boom. Out of the way. I had my appointment with nutrition and unfortunately she didn't clear me. It was a brand new nutritionist and she said she prefers to see her patients twice. I explained that I was working on trying to get it scheduled for as soon as possible so she went ahead and scheduled me for an appointment Monday where we'll go over the diet for after the surgery and she'll sign off on me getting the surgery. Tuesday morning I go in for my blood work, a urine nicotine test, and a swallow study. I'm NOT excited about the swallow study because that just sounds awful. They'll have me drink a drink with barium in it which from what my mom described is like drinking a milkshake that someone made with chalk and it sits super heavy in your stomach. I'm very much not excited about that. The blood work I'm getting done is to test the bacteria in my stomach. There's good bacteria and bad bacteria, the bad bacteria causes ulcers so they're making sure that I don't have the bad bacteria which will cause issues after surgery. Once I have all of those completed I'll end up going over to the surgery area and making another appointment to get my surgery scheduled. The surgeon mentioned possibly getting the surgery on the 3rd but then said that may be a little to quick so he may push it back a little bit. As long as everything goes according to plan it will DEFINITELY be happening in August. It's getting so freaking close guys, I'm getting so nervous but so excited. The surgeon also made sure to let me know that I should expect to lose 50-60% of my excess weight if I do the absolute bare minimum, which would put me down to 225 lbs and losing almost 85lbs. That's amazing to me and that's with the bare minimum not working out, making sure to follow the diet to the T etc. I'm going to make this sleeve my bitch yo.

Operation Stomach Snip is Progressing

So I'm back from California and mostly settle back into my everyday life again. I called my surgeons office and talked to them about the next steps that I need to accomplish getting my surgery. I called and got my psych evaluation set up for tomorrow and I'm not going to lie I'm nervous as hell. I've been told time and time again that my being Bi-polar is NOT something that will disqualify me from getting the surgery but it still makes me nervous. I'm medicated and have been for a year so I know that will look good. From what I've been told they're mainly focusing on making sure that I don't have an eating disorder, that I understand what I'm getting myself into, and that I have a good support system. I'm probably stressing over nothing but until I'm cleared I'm going to be pretty nervous.

Other than that I have my nutrition appointment on the 16th which I hope will be my last appointment beforehand. I need to be signed off on it but when I was supposed to go back for my follow up last time the breaks went out and then it kind of fell to the back burner. I've been keeping track of what I eat since I got back from California because they need 30 days of a food journal before I can be approved. It will be like four days short of 30 days, but hopefully that's okay. After the nutritionist I have blood work that needs to be done, from what I understand it's just testing vitamin levels and the such so minus the fact that my vitamin D has been low since I got here I think I'm pretty good.

Lastly I have an appointment on the 22nd to HOPEFULLY set my surgey date which should be within two weeks from then. Hopefully. I'm not going to lie, I'm scared. A small part of me is like what the fuck are you doing Becca? But I KNOW that this is what I need to move forward with my life in a happier and much healthier way so I'm more excited than I am scared. It's pretty nerve racking the closer I get, but this is what I've been working on for months now, so I've got this.

The Bestbian Visit

I've already told you all about the first three weeks I was here. I basically read a book a day and hung out with my siblings. We're a good looking bunch..

Then the day before my parents flew in my bestbian flew in. I drove down to the airport to pick her up and we went to Denny's on the way home and caught up. The next day we were supposed to go to my hometown Borrego but I got a call from my sisters school telling me she was sick and I needed to pick her up, so we just hung around the house until it was time for me to pick my parents up from the airport. Saturday my mom sent Little B and I to go get pedicures and I asked if we could go to the beach because Little B had never seen the Pacific ocean, she said yes so off we went. We played in the water and Little B stole two big jugs of sand for her boyfriend who grew up in Oceanside. It was sweet.

While we were driving back to the house I got a phone call from my mother and enter family drama that I'm not going to talk about. It was a lot of crazy and let me tell you, the Kaiser hospital in San Diego is straight out of Grey's Anatomy with hot dude doctor. It's like on the application they have a box "are you hot?" and if you check no you're not hired. Seriously sexy. We got home around 2 and I didn't end up sleeping until 4.

The next day Little B and I went to Borrego so I could show her around my home town. We went and looked at the statues around town and I showed her all the places I used to go.

That night we all seriously needed to unwind and we were supposed to go to a drag show, but the club had a plumbing emergency and we ended up not being able to go. Instead my mother, sister, bestbian, sister in law, cousins, and aunts all decided to go to the buffet at the casino. My sister in law announced that she would be eating the $30 worth of food that we had to pay per person, but it was delicious.

There were a lot of us. After dinner we went off and gambled a bit. I did not inherit my moms luck unfortunately, so no big wins here. When we were done me, bestbian, mom, sister, and sister in law all went back to my mom's house and played Cards Against Humanity. This is where I learned my mother is in fact a horrible person. Please examine exhibit A and B.

She laughed SO hard at the police brutality card it was awful. So awful haha. We ended up staying up late and cracking up laughing all night. It was a great night. Little B had to be at the airport at five and wanted to go out to breakfast so I decided to take off at one thirty instead of four like we were going to and just drop her off early. We decided to go to Denny's again and our waiter was two things. 1) Obviously super high. 2) Obviously SUPER gay. We ate our meal, got our check, and waited at the cash register for ten minutes before he came to the front. He came up to the front and said "You know, that guy back there thinks I'm hitting on his girlfriend. He was so threatened he pulled out pictures of their baby together like I was going to care about that. A) I don't want your woman. B) HELLLLOOOOO I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GAY." Even though his service was shit that one statement got him a ten dollar tip because it was hilarious. I dropped off the bestbian, turned the music up as loud as it could go and drove home.

It was a crap weekend for her to come out with all of the drama going on, but it was so great to see her again! I can't wait until I get to see all the time.